Dear Uncle Keith,
I recently split with my girlfriend after I found her sleeping with Ken Dodd. To my shock, I thought it was my mate, it turned out it was the ageing entertainer complete with tickle stick. I went mad and knocked his two front teeth out.
What I want to know, Keith. is "did i act appropriately?", as I'm now being sued for causing damage to his famous comedy nashers.
Yours Worriedly Pat Cow 25, Sheeply-upon-Scrot.
Well mate what you want to worry about, is if old Ken has layed one of his diddy men up her dairy love box, if that happened then you'd be up shit alley.
As for his teeth, well, if you didn't do it, I certainly would have as he fucked my missus up the arse once while I watched countdown. I was oblivious to this of course, as I was banging Jimmy Tarbuck's missus at the same time.
If you get in trouble, just mention your uncle Keith.