Written by Hawkeye
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Sunday, 4 November 2007

Out of the Paris Masters and out of contention for Shanghai, The Spoof caught up with British tennis sensation, Andy Murray, to hear his thoughts on 2007.

Q. So Andy, the end of a rollercoaster season. At the beginning of the year, you and Djokovic were considered the brightest young guns. We regularly see Djokovic polishing up his impersonations - his music hall skills - as an alternative for if his tennis career backfires. Do you have any such contingency plan?

Andy. Well, I did try out my footballing skills when I kicked the trash can at the US Open. Yeah, it feels good to know they're still there.

Q. You've been at the centre of quite a few on-court dramas this year - obviously with your wrist in Hamburg; a number of falls and trips, notably during the Haas match; jumping over the ballboy in the Davis Cup; and crashing about around the umpire's chair at the US Open. How do you view them?

Andy. Well, I guess I've now got cult status in the 'What Happened Next?' slot in 'A Question of Sport?' So that's one positive I can take from them all.

Q. We had a letter from a reader who complains that as she can lip-read all your mutterings, she feels let down by the frequent repetition of f****** and t***. She wonders if you have any thoughts on extending your vocabulary?

Andy. I know, I tend to get a bit repetitive. It's something I'm hoping to work on in the off-season, along with my serves and backhand volleys.

Q. Obviously Andy, you were proud to see Jamie win the Mixed Doubles Grand Slam at Wimbledon. Did it make you wish it had been you?

Andy. No. Not at all. I don't really laugh and giggle on court. And I'd rather do my flirting away from the cameras.

Q. During the Mathieu match in March, you said you were spurred on by a heckler in the crowd, shouting out "Murray you've got nothing." Have you heard any other comments from the crowd, which you are able to repeat here, and which spurred you on?

Andy. Yeah, I can think of one straightaway. I was a set and a break down to Karlovic in San Jose when someone shouted out: "Wake up Murray, you Dozo" I felt pretty annoyed when I heard it as Brad had been calling me that all morning in practice. Come to think of it, it may have been Brad calling it out. Anyhow, I turned the match around and successfully defended my title.

Q. Did the ballyhoo following your comments about betting take you by surprise?

Andy. Yeah. I mean, it was a really difficult few days. I was glad I was able to kiss and make up with Rafa in Madrid after he called me stupid. I don't mean that literally, of course...you're not from FiveLive are you..?

Q. Another reader has written in saying she was amazed that she saw 'your teeth and everything' when you actually smiled during the Cuevas match. Is this something we are likely to see more of?

Andy. I'm not really sure. I think it was the result of being back on court in a big tournament. I'd had such a long lay off due to a pretty serious injury - but I'm hoping not to have too many more of those situations.

Q. Last year you were running with Michael Johnson. Any plans for this off-season?

Andy. Well, I'm hoping to go over to Brad's and practise some overhead smashes and lobs with Kobe Bryant, another of Brad's neighbours.

Q. Any thoughts on 2008?
Andy: I thought I'd get my hair cut possibly in March. Perhaps use my razor a little more. Hopefully improve my score on the powerball at Roehampton...

Q. And tennis-wise, do you intend to keep everyone on the edge of their seats?

Andy. Yeah of course. I mean, I think that's always been one of the most consistent aspects of my game.

So, the end of another eventful year. We've come to expect nothing less from Murray, the (now) lone Brit with seventy odd years of expectations resting on his young shoulders. Bring on 2008.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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