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Monday, 8 October 2007

Buddhist monks are everywhere at this time of year, and with the mild autumn weather we're having, bare feet and those lovely ochre tints are a carefree and attractive style that will keep you right at fashion's cutting edge long after the leaves have fallen.

Trendsetters will be shaving their heads this winter, but not in a skin head sort of way, although Buddhas aren't averse to taking to the streets for a bit of martial arts. The just-shaved Belsen look is always a winner in my book, but this year it makes a special political statement that shows you're down on the streets with the Buddhas, and the poor pretty locked up one who's too thin.

What will be noticeable this season is how much this look is influencing street culture. Hoodies will be replaced by robes, and with a bottle or a tinny full of something strong and warming in one hand, those saffron robes can actually keep out a lot of what winter can throw at you, but it will only be the hardiest of souls going beyond the first frosts.

Size zero will be terribly last year too. The Buddhas in Burma may not have eaten much due to their vows and all that religion, but here we can't afford to look like pious rakes, and be down on the streets. Vows are so terribly, terribly last year, and a size 20 robe can start a riot when it's worn with gusto. Believe me, girl.

You know, fashion is a fickle thing, but when robes are going to be the thing for at least a whole week, I think it will be worth your while splashing out on something by a top name designer instead of cheap and cheerful off of the high street. By November, Burma will all be forgotten about of course, and that extra cash you shelled out on the Buddha in Burma look will have paid off big time when at least your friends will remember how divine you looked in October before something else came along.

-- by Jessica Ordinary Boreham

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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