Written by wordwaymike
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Saturday, 6 October 2007

President Bush is laying the groundwork for an American Theocracy.(The groundwork pieces are from a giant Leggos set his Daddy bought him for Christmas.)

Good Morning Mr and Mrs. America and your parents too old, and your children too young to be sent to Iraq; "It's showtime!"

This is wordwaymike. Reporter/janitor for U.S. News and World Retorts.

Where the News is scarier than fiction! Guaranteed!

I have taken a break from my deciphering of the secret White House e-mails that have revealed President Bush's membership in, "The Illuminutty."

To bring you the latest, up to the nano-second news on this crazier than a shit-house rat" Commander in Chief of the good ole U.S.A.

A president who continues to torch all of the; Excuse me, trash all of the ru...: Sorry; Re-write all the rules that former presidents, and other world leaders that haven't been charged with "crimes against humanity" have long adhered to.

I am reporting to you from the White House this morning. And I can tell you right now that you haven't seen a Fatwa issued, till you've seen one decreed by the President of the United States from the Rose Garden!

Wearing his; "Jihadi Jodphurs" President Bush announced yesterday that he was tired of all of these, half-ass Middle-eastern Holy Wars, and had decided that the U.S.'s efforts in Iraq, and Afghanistan would be officially classified as;

"U.S. sanctioned Holy Wars" from now on.

With "Look-a-like" Blues Brother's Jake and Elwood impersonators standing behind him, softly singing; "I'm a soul man" Bush elaborated, by stealing a line from the cult classic movie; "The Blues Brothers" and proclaiming: "I'm on a mission from God!"

As of the filing of this story, God could not be reached to confirm, or deny these allegations.
*******************

But having been on several Missions from God before, and currently being on another, this reporter/janitor suspects that President Bush is on an "errand" for one of the pseudo God's/Greater Demons.
(See: Illuminutty; Torquemada, Molech) at:http://www.endevil.com/theilluminutty.html

If not in fact, just making the whole thing up.

By the use of pseudo, I mean to convey my belief (and belief is a powerful thing!) that this message didn't really originate from the cosmic temporal frontal lobe of God at all. Nor from his mystical Medulla Oblangata either.

What first tipped me off to this most probably being a forged God/Mission blank check type thing that Bush was attempting to pass off as a legitimate, "Universal Bank of God", line of credit at the; "WE THE PEOPLE" Quickee Mart, was the fact that "Repent" and "Woe be unto you" were not evident in any of the "allegedly" God generated communiques that President Bush kept alluding to, but never actually produced.

It has been this reporter/janitor"s experience, and the experience of the few other peoples that I have met that were on a legitimate bonafide; "Get your happy ass out there and deliver my;

Pronouncement/message/warning/admonition/promise/threat/covenant etc."

That all; "On a Mission from God" individuals that I have heard about, or had occasion to meet, have acknowledged were always the two "meat and potato" aspects of any "Mission from God" decree that originated from his celestial "So Unbelievably Much More Whiter House than yours."

Since the beginning of time.

Without at least one, and by most accounts, both of these God/message quantifiers being present, the chances of this President Bush actually being a Representative of the Almighty are almighty damn (Sorry Lord!) slim.

Also, when ever I have been sent to; "spread the Word/Lay down the Law/Cut to the chase/" so to speak, I am always instructed to do so in a face to face, straightforward manner.

Delivering an American, Holy War Fatwa to the Iraqi and Afghani jihadists from the safety of the White House Rose Garden is just not the kind of "Balls Up" move by an actual Godly emissary that we Christians/Infidels (depending upon your upbringing) have come to expect.

Besides which, The lone emissary of God walking down Main St. of a hostile city; In a hostile Nation; Backed up only by the unseen Hand and Celestial arsenal of God. Just flat out adds a lot more power and impact to the; "Hey suckah! God is talking to YOU!" message.

President Bush was surrounded by a triple phalanx of secret service agents, Delta Force Commandos, and a whole Battallion of White House junior, and mid-level minions, and gophers. Who only half-jokingly referred to themselves as; "cannon fodder" as Bush was, to kick off his: "I'm on a Mission From God!" photo-op.

But despite the festive atmosphere evident, the reporter/janitor fears that such "level nine freaky shit" security measures can only be viewed by the actual "hope to die" jihaddi's as a; "Limp wristed, Wolf-ticket Selling" attempt to portray American foreign policy as being in line with that whole "Manifest Destiny" con we pulled on the Indians way back when.

It is entirely lacking in the whole; "Daniel in the Lions Den" factor that just adds so much Oomph! to the whole "God's messenger" pronouncement thing. And no one knows more about; "staying on message" than God!

And while at times, (OK almost without exception) the message from God might not be what the person receiving it may want to hear. This reporter/janitor was always admonished to relay the message, in person, and then split.

In each and every instance, I was also reminded to; stay out of the actual matter at hand. By which I mean, not to throw my two cents into the matter.

It was made abundantly clear to me that I was to refrain from; "Piling on."

As in; "Yeah! What God said!"

Just like Michael, "The" Arch-Angel was admonished several times to remember when he went to collect Moses's bones, one step ahead of the Devil;

"Do not allow yourself to be drawn into the matter. No matter what the Devil might say to provoke you into doing so."

Ordering Michael to respond to every cheesey weasal, little Satanic remark with; "May the Lord Rebuke You!"

This was probably because Michael, while being right on up there, with God/Jesus/ and those other really cool folks, was still no match for that Trickster A.K.A "The Devil."

So God's admonition was along the lines of;

"Don't let your Alligator mouth overload your Hummingbird ass!"

And if God is sending you as his agent, to deliver a;

"Mano y Godo/Godo y Mano" type mystical memo to someone;

I would caution against your "commiserating with the receiver of said Holy ass-chewing (Sorry Lord)

I mean, why go looking for trouble?

Anyway...

That's the news, or what passes for it these day, from here. I must be getting back to my Holy, and totally ordained by the; "Mighty (and not to be messed with) Mystical hand of God" work that he has set as my most recent task.

Which is to do battle with an entire southern Calif. County's worth of Demons and Imps, from the Seventh Hub of Hell.

That have taken over the entire;

Ventura County Superior Court
Ventura County Sheriffs Dept.
Ventura County District Attorneys Office
The Oxnard Police Dept.
Ventura County Animal Control
Ventura County Board of Supervisors
and;
The local press.

Just to name a few. (No really! This is just a sampling)

I am in the process of delivering my second; "On a Mission of God" pronouncement.
And therefore, God, through me, has moved beyond the; "Repent! Repent!" Stage of the deal.

We have entered into the "Woe be unto you!/Great weeping and gnashing of teeth/The Lord will surely smite you!" level of Godly displeasure.

Several thousand sin-soaked Demons and Imps have taken over the blasphemous souls and bodies of the men and women here in Ventura County Calif., that hold positions of power and authority over those that live here.

All of these oath forsaken, Truth hating, former servants of the Law, Truth and Love, have drank from Lie's fetid cup, and sworn allegiance to the Father of Lies, who sits upon Lies Throne!

And each and every one of them has leveled their hate and murderous intent upon this lone, humble, servant of the Lord.

God! I love my job!

This is wordwaymike

Signing off!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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