QM Mule Pack Unit, stationed next to cavalry battalion, had more than 100 mules. They were used for transporting supplies to rugged terrains. The man in charge of this unit was a full pack of oddities. He, when young, had graduated from the Army Veterinary Assistant School. His last assignment, before retirement, was Pack Unit Master.
One of his conspicuous oddities was being cross eyed and astigmatic, to the degree that he had to turn his head 90 degrees, like a chicken, to the left to focus on an object standing before him. The second oddity was his knack of forcing crows in flight to drop their bates, such as walnuts, by producing ululations of various types such as quacking, clucking, growling etc. and jumping up and down. It really did work.
After success, he would share his kill with colleagues to prove his point that crows pick quality walnuts. He had another assignment, too, which was Army Dog School. He pocketed the cash paid to him for dog food and fed his dogs from post garbage cans.
Once, all officers had to practice shooting pistols at pistol range. Everything went on smoothly: the shooters walked to the firing line; picked up their pistols, loaded, slid safety catch to 'Fire' at the command of the range officer, a lieutenant. They were waiting for the command 'Commence Firing', when the lieutenant hastily shouted: 'cease fire; safety catch; bench fire arms; step back!'
Then he screamed at Pack Master: "What the hell you doing; instead of looking at the target, you, dammit, staring at the man next to you?' Pack Master innocently looked at him, of course 90 degree to his left, and said nothing.
At this very moment, the radio man rushed to the lieutenant and while handing him the handset, said, "From the Captain, sir." The lieutenant placed the handset on his ear and, while listening, carefully looked at Pack Master's eyes. Next, the lieutenant enquired, "Are you sure, sir, he can see the target?' Embarrassed, the lieutenant apologized to Pack Master and politely asked him to join the line. Strangely enough, Pack Master scored the highest score!
One day, at break time, Pack Master, addressing a group of officers, said, "It was summer and wife and kids insisted to take a two-month vacation. I, feeling cruelly hurt, was left alone. My biggest problem was lack of pre-sleep sexual intercourse.
(To be continued)