Written by Mystique
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Tags: Diet, Earth, Food

Monday, 1 October 2007

image for Demons in the Kitchen Want some ice-cream?

I'll bet you grew up being told to 'eat your vegetables ... they'll help you grow." Well, forget that advice. Beelzebub has come out with the newest diet information available. In order to make it in New Hell (as Earth is now known), one will have to give up eating food because he is adding the vaginal fluids of his string of ancient concubines to all foodstuffs and water ... forget about it. He's adding his own body waste.

Aghast at this news, scientists tried to explain to him that the body needs food and potable water in order to survive. He apparently will not be deterred from testing his theories and has started to put the foul substances in foods in what is called God's country (the Heartland of America). He says he started there to disrespect 'your God' and to make sure that all people will be affected.

His initial experiment must have taken place secretly and been what he calls a 'success' a multitude of people died of mysterious causes and his additives went undetectable.

The smell would be a deterrent for any but him ... he wears nose plugs and has taste testers -- from the ranks of the easily expendable. The death toll is in the hundreds of thousands and soon will reach epidemic proportions as he 'teaches people to give him his pubs'. "I got jealous of all the attention God gets and decided to get even," Beelzebub was heard to say on more than one occasion. This will also keep people from asking God to 'prepare a table for them in the presence of their enemies'.

If you order take out and it smells so bad that your eyes water ... you might be considered expendable yourself.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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