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Thursday, 20 September 2007

I recently met with acclaimed British comedienne and actress Dawn French. I tried to talk about the new series that she's made with long-time comedy partner Jennifer Saunders. I tried but failed.

JOEY: Dawn, thanks for doing this interview. You have a new sketch show that's started on BBC1. Are you excited?

DF: I like my food.

JOEY: Um, that's not what I asked but okay.

DF: Do you have a problem with people of a larger size?

JOEY: No, I'm here to talk about your TV show.

DF: What's wrong with doing an ad for Terry's Chocolate Orange?

JOEY: Nothing. I didn't even mention it.

DF: I love chocolate.

JOEY: So do I. Can we get back to the series? It's called A Bucket O' French & Saunders.

DF: Yes, like a bucket of chicken from KFC. I think it's a very witty title, showing how I don't care if people know I love my food.

JOEY: Uh, alright…The series features old and new sketches. How was it getting back together with Jennifer to do the new sketches?

DF: Does the subject of me loving food bother you?

JOEY: I'm not really here to talk about your love of food or otherwise. I'm here to talk about your TV show.

DF: I bet you hated the chocolate ad when I said "They're not Terry's, they're mine." I came up with that line. It was me telling the world I'm large and happy and I don't care who knows it.

JOEY: Absolutely. There's nothing wrong with that. But I would like to get back to your TV show if we can, please.

DF: Did you see the Alison Moyet music video I appeared in?

JOEY: It was a number of years ago. I remember the song.

DF: Did that bother you?

JOEY: Sorry? Why would it bother me? It was a good song.

DF: I'm talking about the video. I worked long and hard on it.

JOEY: I see.

DF: Alison invited me to appear in her video and I was delighted to accept. She allowed me complete freedom in my ideas. I spent a long weekend working on them. The video was one of my finest comedy moments

JOEY: You'll have to remind me what you did, it was a long time ago that I saw it.

DF: Alison sings the song in the foreground…

JOEY: Right…

DF: And in the background, I run around in a comical way.

JOEY: Right…And?

DF: That's it.

JOEY: That's it?

DF: Yes.

JOEY: You run around in the background?

DF: In a comical way.

JOEY: In a comical way, of course. I see…What can fans expect from the new sketches?

DF: I play Amy Winehouse in one sketch but with a hilarious twist.

JOEY: That sounds great. Please tell me more. What's the twist?

DF: It's Amy Winehouse…

JOEY: Yes…

DF: But large.

JOEY: That's it, I give up.

DF: "They're not Terry's, they're mine."

JOEY: Goodbye.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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