Written by jakl891
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Wednesday, 19 September 2007

image for My close encounter with the Archaeologists who found the first ever Toaster Not your everyday toaster...

On a dusty, barren plain somewhere in the Middle East, I am travelling along a long dirt road, so long that you could be mistaken for thinking it was the Rolling Stones' career.

In this dusty hellhole, I have come to meet the scientists who claim to have found the "holy grail" of archaeology: proof of advanced civilisations way before our time.

As I step out of the Jeep, I see in the distance the outline of a man that looks like Igor. It is, in fact, Dr Wilhelm Von Franks, proud manager of the dig site.

And he is right to be proud,(or proud to be Right, the Germans confuse me) for ahead of us lies encased in stone the biggest and oldest toaster yet seen.

"Vell, here it is" Dr Franks announces, somewhat obviously. "Ze biggest and oldest toaster of our times".

"Ve believe this vas ze toaster of none ozer zan St George, who slayed ze dragon".

Or rather, didn't. As popular myth goes, George slayed the dragon, freeing a princess and becoming patron Saint of England in one fell swoop. Although, that is too fairy tale for modern day science.

"Ve believe zat instead of killing ze dragon, Geroge chained him up." Dr Franks pointed to the the chains around the beast's legs and neck.

"Zen, whenever george vanted a piece of toast, he vould simply anger ze dragon, and there vas his toast!"

But what about the "advanced" technology, I asked. Surely capturing a dragon is pretty mundane?

"No, no, you see, George installed a dial on ze dragon, so zat he could toast a little, or toast a lot, or even defrost! Zat is sehr interesting!"

I was not impressed.

Having travelled through the worst of the Iraq war to be here, a dragon seems pretty tame compared to fucking insurgents.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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