Mephistophel, Tennessee (IP) - Hell is a nice place to visit during the winter months. Our travel reporter was there last year during February and saved his report for the end of summer. This is the best time to start making winter vacation travel arrangements.
Getting to Hell is relatively easy. You just have to have a good time while on Terra Firma first. You then you board the Hell bound train and sit back and enjoy the scenic view as you descend down to the Netherworld.
The train enters through the large red gates which open up by themselves. Immediately conspicuous by their absence are dogs. They have no place here. The first stop is the Beelzebub Grand Hotel. This is a first class facility and most travelers like to spend an evening resting there before going on to visit the sites.
Highly recommended is a visit to the Lake of Fire. The flyfishing is great. Piranha are the main catch and are actually very delicious and roasting them slowly over an open fire is a gourmet's delight. The smell of the roasting fish flesh permeates the camp grounds and whets the appetite. You simply throw some wood down and it spontaneously combusts. No need for matches and lighters here. Same thing with a cigarette - you just touch the end of the faggot to any tree and it instantly lights.
We were able to meet the permanent residents who seem to love swimming in the Fiery Lake nonstop. Some easily recognizable celebrities seen there included Saddam Hussein, Richard Nixon and almost all the other dead republican fascists, most of the Popes, and a lot of movie stars. The place was just full of despots, politicians, lawyers, bankers, doctors, pharmaceutical executives, clergymen, and other CEO's.
Back at the hotel there were slot machines that win on the number 666 instead of 777.
Dead rock stars provide non-stop entertainment.
After an exhausting week its time to board the train back to the cold wintry landscape above. When the visitor gets off the train he appears trim and tanned. Once back home he has a different perspective on things and often becomes more generous and tolerant of the less fortunate.
One common new behavior which usually sets in is a disdain for organized religion and a distaste for hypocrisy and politics which all now suddenly appear to go clearly hand in hand.