Written by cheggs
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Friday, 7 September 2007

We're always trying to be original and cool while greeting our friends and coworkers and we've realized that the common "Hello" just doesn't cut it anymore. Hello isn't cool and it certainly isn't original. Over a billion people use that old rag everyday in every language. So here are few greetings that will definitely earn you some street cred out there in the jungle.

We went with rhyming salutations because, as we all know, the coolest thing out there right now is hip-hop and anybody on the streets will recognize rhyme as the hippest of speech styles.

5. What's the news, Jews?

This one's rhyming factor is pretty high but it could be found offensive if used in the company of Jews. Unless they are cool with that then it's totally appropriate.

4. What's the word, turd?

This one can be used in most colloquial situations but it's best not to show up in a meeting and call everyone there a turd.

3.What's kickin', chickens?

Some people love to be called "chickens" but those people are women. You should never call a man a chicken because he would certainly take offense to you refering to him as a member of the sexier gender. You might receive a punch in the neck after using this one so just use it around the ladies.

2. What's happenin', captain? or What's the haps, cap?

This one can be used anywhere at any time. When you call somebody a captain they feel as if they are in charge. They are the king of the castle and it was you and your words that put them there. Well done.

And finally...

1. Where's the chairs, squares?

This one is the cream of the crop but it can only be used in certain rare occasions where there is a shortage of chairs. Calling everyone a square establishes dominance in the group and sets you up as the dominator in any conversation thereafter. Plus, the rhyming factor is off the charts and gives you +3 cred points. You'll need those on the street especially when you don't have a chair to sit on.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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