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Sunday, 2 September 2007

Governor Mike Huckabee sits alone for a moment, a rare experience in these hectic days. It's late and he is tired. He settles deeper into the soft cushions of his favorite chair.

Suddenly, the ever present phone rings, jarring him back from the edge of sleep.

Reluctantly, he picks up the phone, striving for full consciousness.

"Hello"?

A soft voice, obviously a woman: "Oh, I got through to you! It must be a miracle! I've been trying for days!"

"Yes, well I'm glad you did. How may I help you?"

"I just want to say that your book, Stop Digging Your Own Grave with a Knife and Fork, has given me fresh courage!"

"Well that's wonderful! I am always pleased to hear that my experience has encouraged others."

"Yes, you see Governor; I've got a problem with fat. I've had it for a long time and frankly, it's killing me!"

"I can certainly identify with your pain, I've been there. I come from a family that believes anything that is not deep fried in grease is not fit for even a Democrat to eat. I've lost over a 100 pounds by breaking with a family tradition like that!"

"Yes, that's why I called. Just as in your case, many of my people are obsessed with eating. I am surrounded by those who have an insatiable hunger for pork!"

"Pork?"

"Yes, they are always in the pork barrel, scraping it clean. To them, it's a big dig every day! Every time I look, there are more of them! No matter how much I give them, they clamor for more, more, more! They must think I've won the celestial lottery! It's killing me! You need to help me, Governor Mike Huckabee!

"Let me see, do you personally have an eating problem?"

"Yes, only mine is not overeating but malnourishment. My people eat up everything I have, leaving nothing for me and my children."

"I don't see how I can help you really. You need to kick those people out. By the way, who are you?"

"You can help, Governor Mike Huckabee! You are a true "fat-buster" and I need you!

"I'll have to ask again, who are you and how can I help you? Please be specific."

"I am Massachusetts and you can help me by becoming President Mike Huckabee!"



The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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