Written by Velveeta Peron

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Tags: Hell, mummy

Friday, 17 August 2007

In a tell-all-that-suits interview with Hell No! manglezine, Princes William and Harry have agreed their planned memorial service will be 'just what Mummy would have done.'

In the run up to the tenth anniversary of Diana's sudden death finish, Hell No! released selected transcripts of the good bits, in a bid to sell more magazines under the guise of a meaningful special never seen before photo packed once in a lifetime collector's edition:

Rosie O'Donnell, freelance hostess: "Don't ya think it's time to get over it?

P: "Well, thank you, very much indeed. Yes, we asked ourselves 'What would Mummy do if she were planning this thing?'"

P: "So it only seemed right -"

P: "I'm telling this, please -"

P: "I beg your pardon?"

P: "Oh, more chav speak."

P: "Then pleased to meet you."

P: "Are you chewing gum?"

O'Dogma: "Isn't this kinda stupid when thousands of innocent Minneapoli are dying every day on collapsing bridges?"

P: "Quite. Anyway, we knew that if Mummy were behind this, the best plan was in fact to do one thing, whilst appearing to do another."

P: "So naturally we deny we rang Andrew Morton at all."

P: "It seemed fitting then to get all her enemies in one room and force them all to look like they gave a shit about her in front of every vile reporter on Mummy's list."

P: "Our step mother, you know, will be in the front row. We've fixed it so she sits next to Grannie and just opposite Uncle Earl."

P: "Mummy would have loved it.

Hell No!'s special forty nine thousand page issue 'Every Picture of Diana Ever Taken' is at news agents anywhere starting NOW!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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