The News Information Investigative Plus Interview
This week we speak to Mr Harold Justilax MP, the new Deputy Prime Minister and Minister for cynical excellence, about his job, his live and his troubled past.
Mr Justilax, may I call you Harold?
Of course, you crazy multi dimensional fool!
Oh maybe I should point out to our readers that you exist only in three dimensions at any one time, i.e. Vertically, horizontally and temporally, but not latterly.
You mean I'm 2d like paper?
Yes but that phrase is not exactly correct since you also move through time.
Well are you going to ask me any questions?
Ok let's start with your early life, tell us about the nineteen eighties.
Well of course at that time I was involved in a heavy metal rock band, 'Possibly the Most Successful Band on Earth'. I played the guitar and sang while Peter B, was lead guitar.
So tell us where that went wrong.
Well it was when we were on tour in America, we had just finished a concert and were going out to party in the bars of new York, when I witnessed the other members of the band commit a crime. Two of them were shot on the scene by police, but Peter B was exiled to work as a biology teacher in Yorkshire for the rest of his life.
You of course famously were hiding in a dust bin at this time, while your friends were supposedly committing a crime, although there is only your testimony that Peter B was even involved.
He was there! I saw him, He was involved in the crime.
Ok, lets move on to your life in the cacti industry. Perhaps you could sum that part of you life in a a few words.
Money, promotion, takeovers, partnerships, shares, trial, downfall, separation.
Very good, after your company fell apart, due to you being sued by the BBC for copy right theft, you very quickly got into quite high-level politics. Do you have any words of advice for would be politicians?
What I say is if you bribe the right people, invite the right people to lunch, threaten to reveal the right embarrassing photographs in public, and have the right people moved to a different department where they cannot get in your way, then you're well on you way to being a member of the cabinet.
Well, Mr Justilax, thankyou.
Thank you Chris.