Written by soapy ribnaut
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Friday, 5 March 2004

A recent study has found a link between a certain D.N.A strand and destiny. The astonishing claims were made by Professor Wilmut Strand, Head of the Biological Theology department at Nuneaton university for boys.
"We have large amounts of evidence and some small quantities of conjecture, that point to a link between this D.N.A and our destinies." Claimed Prof Strand.
The test was conducted over a three year period on volunteers from the university canteen. Evidence suggested that all those tested contained a signature D.N.A strand that pointed to a career in catering. None of the volunteers were available for comment on the experiment but a spokesperson gave the following statement.
"All of the canteen staff involved in this experiment wish it to be known that they refuse to accept the findings as accurate. Hopes and dreams of a better life have been cruelly dashed and furthermore pointing and sniggering amongst the student fraternity has seen a cataclysmic increase since the identities of the staff were made public."
Prof Strand claims that the staff have over reacted to the news that they face a lifetime of meaningless drudgery.
"The possibilities we have opened for people with this experiment are limitless, in a few years you will be able to undergo a simple test, the results of which tell you immediately which vocation you should follow. All uncertainty is removed and the workforce of this country will all be doing something they're good at."
Prof Strand was also quick to point out that, although he had refused to undergo the test himself, wild and malicious rumour that he was a close match for "Whippet trainer" were grossly mis-leading and insulting to all those who had dedicated thousands of man hours to the experiment.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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