Written by trythisathome
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Tags: Wife

Wednesday, 25 July 2007

Wife walks into the living room holding something behind her back.

Husband: (Eyebrow raised) What are you hiding behind your back?

Wife: (Chewing lip) I found it.

Husband: What? Show me!

Wife turns round still holding her hands around the back to show her husband a wriggling tiny puppy. She turns back to face her husband.

Husband: You brought a dog?

Wife: No I found it. Poor thing. Wandering along by a dangerous canal (Wife pouts) All scared & alone.

Husband: You brought that. Don't lie. Look at it. It's a bloody pedigree dog. Worth hundreds. Take it back now.

Wife: (Shocked) What to a dangerous tow-path where it might drown or a big fox could gobble it up?

Husband: Take it back to the breeder it came from. NOW!

Wife: I will not. He is mine now. (Sticks out her tongue) It stays here. (Wife brings her hands round and holds the little puppy up in the air). I am your new Mummy Donald & this is Daddy.

Husband: (Shakes his head) We are not keeping it. What kind of dog is that anyway. Its weeny.

Wife: It's a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.

Husband: It does get bigger than that doesn't it?

Wife: A little. It's a tiny bit bigger than a Jack Russell. Look at its little eyes. (Shoves the dog into her husbands face)

Husband: (Angry) I am not having a dog that is only 1 foot tall & called Donald. Why could you not have found an Alsation or something. My mates will take the piss out of me walking with that thing. Look at its boggy eyeballs. That dog is for male couples.

Wife: It's a Wickle Woo Woo. (Wife puts the puppy on the floor and he scampers about. Donald sits in front of Daddy looking up at him. Daddy pats his head then scoops him up & puts him on his lap)

Husband: We are not keeping it.

Wife: Okay honey. Let it get warm for a bit then I will take it back. (Walks out of the room and grabs a bag from the hallway and starts packing the contents away in the kitchen. Bowls bed, toys & food, she waits a while, listening to the sound of her husband in the background) "Is you a wickle woo woo Donny" then goes back to collect the puppy from her husband. The pup is curled up on his lap)

Lets have the poor little mite then.

Husband: He is sleeping. (ruffles his ears. Pup opens his eyes & licks his hand) Awwwwwww! He kissed me look. Shows his wife the slobber)

Wife: (Smiles) Bless. He is a cutie. Right Come on give him to me. I have to take him back, don't I?

Husband: No! Look its raining you can't leave him by the canal in this weather.

Wife: I didn't think you believed me. You told me to take it back to the breeder.

Husband: If you did got it from a breeder it goes back. If you found it then he can stay. Can't have him getting hurt can we? (Looks knowingly at his wife). So did you save it from being abandoned by a very bad man & bought it back here to be loved and nurtured, or did you buy it without consulting me from a reputable breeder. Huh!

Wife: (Scratches her nose) I found it. You know I would never dream of going behind your back. There is just one more thing though.

Husband: (Frowning) What?

Wife: (Walks to the front door, opens it) You can come in now. (A shirtless man, with rippling muscles walks into the living room) This is a Builder wuilder. His nasty wifey threw him out. (Runs her hands over his muscles) We can call him Daffy.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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