BEVERLY HILLS (Wilshire) *EXCLUSIVE* -- I've had to come out, to expose this news to you. I'm a Beverly Hills cop. That's right, I drive a squad car. No, I didn't pick up Paris Hilton, I was out at Big Muddy Donuts. Pity I can't pick up Megan Fox, with the future trouble she's going to cause me.
In quiet moments on the job, I'm also an Ace reporter for TheSpoof.com online news rag. They pay me peanuts, and I-like-peanuts.
Anyway, today I bagged The Elephant! News of the Universe Rupid Murdock himself. Pulled over a shiny blue limo on Wilshire and in the back was the working journalists Gumpa.
As I wrote a ticket for his driver, he told me that he could get monkey's to write better than journalists. "Cheeta'" I said, sir, and Murdock replied, "Cheeta, or any other baboon."
"Thank you sir, have a nice day," as I clicked the top of my Bic.
"Crikey, I always do little buddy, se ya mate," said the Australian/American as the limo sped off.
I bet he pays well -- but I think I'll stick to peanuts!