It's official! Lord Stevens has been begged to Her Majesty's police force - to look into the rumours regarding Sven and Manchester City's deliberate shoot to miss policy!!
- A new blue and white Oxo cube is about to be introduced. It'll be called "laughing stock".
- A burglary was recently committed at Manchester City's ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a blue carpet.
- Worried by those expensive end-of-season trips to Wembley?
All those rip-off prices and the struggle to get tickets?
Overcome the problem simply by supporting Manchester City; We've won f*** all in 19 years.
No Cup finals!
- There's a man standing on the roof of Old Trafford, preparing to jump on to the pitch below. The police were called, and the chief superintendent called up:
'What are you doing up there?'
'I'm going to kill myself!' came the reply.
'Because Manchester City are bottom of the Premiership and going to be relegated.'
'But', said the copper, 'You're standing on the roof of the Stretford End. Why don't you go to the Kippax Stand? It's much higher, for a start.'
'You must joking,' said the bloke. 'Have you seen the size of the queue over there?'
- Q: How many City fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None - they're quite happy living in the shadows.
- A man desperate at City's situation decides to top himself. In his living room, alone, he prepares to hang himself. At the very last moment, he decides upon wearing his full City kit as his last statement. A neighbour, catching sight of the impending incident, inform the police. On arrival, the police quickly remove the City kit and dress the man in stockings and suspenders. The man, totally confused asks why. The policeman simply replies, "it's to avoid embarrassing your family.'
Edited by Emdad Rahman