Written by Andrew Lawrence

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Sunday, 15 July 2007

The world's leading scientists admitted today that the single biggest contributor of greenhouse gases is not man. It's cows.

According to the scientific report, on a global basis, cows pass gas, lots of gas, in the form of methane, producing more greenhouse gases than all the human beings, cars, trucks, buses and all the smokestacks in the world ... combined.

And greenhouse gases contribute to global warming.

That means that the environment is better off with people driving SUV's rather than driving cattle.

The dilemma is that, though cows are the worst air polluters and are bad for the environment, they are the source for important and desirable products such as milk, cheese, Big Macs, luxury car interiors, leather couches and chairs, nice belts, Manolo Blahnik shoes, fancy wallets and watchbands, and designer handbags.

In an exclusive interview, a 12-year-old global warming expert said that, "To save the environment one solution is to get rid of all the cows on the planet but that would deprive the children of the world of milk and would also piss off millions of people in India, to whom the cow is sacred."

Plus, we wouldn't want to give up our leather seats, designer handbags and Manolo's, would we?


The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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