Inquiring minds throughout history have wanted to know if the Bible is the Word of God.
Finally, here's the straight story.
After a decade of studying the original documents, researchers happened on the actual secret recording made at the MMLJ&M Advertising Agency in Rome the day the assignment was handed down.
We can now prove, without doubt, that The Bible was written - as a "work for hire" by some copywriters at a Roman ad agency. The emperor Constantine decided in 313 CE to create his own religion, so he sent his specifications over to the Matthew, Mark, Luke, John and Mary Advertising Agency.
Here is that historic recording:
MARY: Hey, Luke. Got an assignment for us from the Emperor.
LUKE: Yeah, right.
MARY: Seriously, he wants us to come up with a novel we can pass off as non-fiction promoting a messiah. He says we'll package it with this big novel the Jews are working on about Moses, Noah and a bunch of Egyptians.
LUKE: Which messiah?
MARY: We gotta make that up, too. I figured we could borrow one from the Jews.
LUKE: Okay. Brainstorming time. How about this? A savior was sent to earth by a father God, we'll make him part of a Trinity, and was born to a virgin."
MARY: That's good. That'll sell books.
LUKE: When he's in his 30s, someone kills him.
MARY: How about he dies for the sins of humanity?"
LUKE: Good. That's good. We'll have to work in some sort of sacrament like bread and wine..
MARY: How about cheese and wine?
LUKE: You kidding. He's gonna be in Judea. Cheese would melt.
LUKE: We'll give him some sidekicks, maybe twelve apostles, and they'll all join him for a last supper the night before he dies.
MARY: I can probably get an artist to do a painting of them. I think DiVinci is available.
LUKE: Be careful. He's been busy with his code, lately. If he does it, get him to assign all the reproduction rights over to us.
MARY: Sure thing.
LUKE: We're rolling here…he'll be called the savior, have the artists slap a halo above his head to make him seem holy. So he dies. Crucifixion would be dramatic.
MARY: Yeah. And how about he is resurrected on a Sunday, and ascends into heaven on the first day of Spring.
LUKE: Now, you're talking. But what about the pagans and that big Easter thing?
MARY: We'll work out the conflicts later.
LUKE: Solid! We'll load the gospels up with supernatural stuff. He performed many miracles, cured many illnesses, and cast out devils. Matthew's good with devils.
MARY: Think it'll be a problem that he sounds a lot like Mithra, the Aryan Sun God?
LUKE: Just keep that quiet. Wait a minute. Sun God. Sun God. I've got it, we'll call this guy The Son of God. That'll look good on the calendars and so on.
MARY: But we need to come up with an actual name, not just a slogan.
LUKE: I've got it! We'll name him after John's gardener.
LUKE: No. Jesus. Jesus Christ.
MARY: Let's get the guys busy writing.
MARY: Yes, Luke?
LUKE: You really think anyone's going to believe in this guy?
End of recording.