Written by Mr Luigi
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Tuesday, 2 March 2004

Part I:


The Shaved, the French and the Unshaved


(censored to prevail)


I saw a strange movie on TV this morning. It had great explosions, huge fires and incredible clouds of smoke. A good old Rambo movie - I thought. There were the truly good guys and the evil guys. It was a challenge to figure out which was which at first. You know how evil people usually are either ugly or nasty or simply wear black? Well, it took me a while to realize that the two groups could only be told apart by the amount of facial hair. In other words there were the shaved and the unshaved. The shaved looked a little better and they called fried potatoes freedom fries so they had to be the truly good. Just when I believed I had gotten the hang of it all there showed up another party with the sole purpose of destroying the comfortable two dimensional logic of the movie. Those third party people were bold enough to claim that they were the very truly good guys for they didn´t want to produce great explosions, huge fires and incredible clouds of smoke to declaw the unshaved (probably because they were just not good at that). They could hardly be recognized among the other two: They still called fried potatoes French fries and they left the bible at home. Now I had three parties (the unshaved – evil, the shaved – truly good, the French – very truly good) spoil my Sunday morning movie.

The French further claimed that there need to be reasonable criteria to classify someone as being evil beyond the facial hair issue. The shaved were offended. If a razor blade wasn´t enough to make the difference between truly good and evil anymore the group of the “willingly dumb men” (WDM) and the “contemporary nonsense networks” (CNN) would stop willing to be dumb and start to read. While they were reading their knowledge as well as their imagination were to grow at rates never before witnessed in the history of freedom loving people (FLOP). They might sell their weapons to the plowing industry and leave the bible at home, too, for there is no need to carry a heavy book around that one has fully understood. Then WDM and CNN would ask questions like: “What happens if you produce hundreds of great explosions, huge fires and incredible clouds of smoke in a city of 5.000.000 and how likely is it that those people will say thank you for making a truly good time and thanks again for the truly good show, what are we to pay?” On top of all that WDM and CNN might start to wonder if the shaved were that much better than the unshaved after all. The foundation of groups named “Get Rid of W” (GROW) were all but unthinkable. Good companies would have to kiss good bye chances to make good money. Battle cries might change from “We are ready” (WAR) to “We arn´t ready yet” (WARY). In other words the shaved would look like the mother of all Bozoes (MOAB). Consequently the French claims were classified unreasonable.

Being used to Rambo type movies I nevertheless expected a good set of reasons why the evil guys get their asses kicked, such as the holding of hostages or the suppressing of the innocent among other hideous offenses. Of course the movie makers were disrespectful of international movie making rules by not sticking to the same set of arguments all the way through. There were arguments that popped up out of the middle of nowhere just to vanish in a puff of smoke split seconds later. Arguments that found more popular belief sometimes survived for days. Few of them even started a life of their own as they were riding the masses forever transforming, reshaping and merging into each other as the story developed. The evil guys contributed their part to keep the story going by cooperating with the truly good guys to an extend that sometimes made it hard to discriminate one from the other. Yet the shaved remained tough and religious; tough about the War on The Constitution (WTC) and religious about providing enough energy (RAPE).

... right before the final showdown I wanted to hit the red button on my remote control. This was just way too much reality for me to digest on an otherwise perfect Sunday morning. To my surprise the red button was gone. I was too lazy to get up and pull the plug, so I reduced the volume and started to write a couple of sentences about what I had just seen in order to ease my mind: “I saw a strange movie on TV this morning. It had great ...”


Coming up soon at a theatre near you: The Axis of Evil part II – VII

Made in Teheran
Interlude: Private oil wells for W (POW)
The Fall of El Madina
Interlude: Somewhere in Palestine
Makkah Strikes Back
The Return of the Melting Pot

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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