Written by Soren Narnia
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Tags: chickens

Thursday, 5 July 2007

Perdue Farms chicken---mass-produced, chickens kept inhumanely
$4.99 per pound

cage-free, farm fresh chicken
$5.99 per pound

cage-free, farm fresh chicken fed with untreated grains and spring water
$6.99 per pound

cage-free, farm fresh chicken fed with untreated grains and spring water and allowed to live a full year before slaughter
$7.99 per pound

cage-free, farm fresh chicken fed with untreated grains and spring water and allowed to live a full year before slaughter, and permitted to fall in love at least once during its life before choosing its own method of execution
$9.99 per pound

cage-free, farm fresh chicken fed with untreated grains and spring water and allowed to live a full year before slaughter, and permitted to fall in love at least once during its life before choosing its own method of execution, and educated in the arts, and taken on travels beyond the barnyard including at least one trip to the great capitals of Europe, and not killed until some measure of emotional and intellectual self-actualization is achieved, whatever that might mean for a chicken
$12.99 per pound

cage-free, farm fresh chicken fed with untreated grains and spring water and allowed to live a full year before slaughter, and permitted to fall in love at least once during its life before choosing its own method of execution, and educated in the arts, and taken on travels beyond the barnyard including at least one trip to the great capitals of Europe, and not killed until some measure of emotional and intellectual self-actualization is achieved, whatever that might mean for a chicken, and its biography ghostwritten by a major journalist from either the New York Times or the Guardian and then published by Harper Collins, and offered a full burial in Arlington Cemetery, and lied to by a priest at the very end who guarantees acceptance in chicken heaven, where it will supposedly reign as king
$16.99 per pound

chicken fingers basket w/ fries and a small soft drink
$3.50 after 4 pm, no sharing

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

81 readers are online right now!

Go to top