Written by Soren Narnia
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Tags: Garfield

Thursday, 5 July 2007

1) I'M ALMOST CERTAIN IT'S ONLY A PLUSH TOY, BUT MAN, I WOULDN'T MIND GETTIN' ON SOME OF THAT

2) THIS IS WHY ABRAHAM LINCOLN TOOK ONE TO THE TEMPLE?

3) IT'S NOT THE MOST PAINLESS METHOD OF SUICIDE, NO, JON, BUT HOW IS THAT RELEVANT TO THE ISSUE WE'RE DISCUSSING?

4) OH, YEAH, OKAY, I'LL PAY $3.32 FOR A GALLON OF REGULAR---AND PLACE THE MONEY ON YOUR STILL-WARM GRAVE

5) FORGIVE ME, ODIE, FOR I SEE YOU NOW FOR WHAT YOU HAVE
ALWAYS BEEN: THE ONE TRUE FRIEND WHO DOESN'T WANT TO SWINDLE, PATRONIZE, OR GROVEL TO ME, AND IN WHOM I NOW FEEL SECURE IN PLACING MY UNQUALIFIED TRUST AND ADMIRATION

6) YES, THANK YOU, I CAN SEE IT'S A PLATE OF LASAGNA; MAYBE I'M JUST NOT HUNGRY AT THE MOMENT, OKAY?

7) SEIZE HIM! SEIZE HIM NOW! HE HOLDS THE CODEX IN HIS WRINKLED OLD HAND!

8) IF THEY'RE GOING TO CALL THAT A FOUL, WHAT'S NOT A FOUL? SEE, THIS IS WHY---CHRIST, NEVER MIND, JUST TURN SOMETHING ELSE ON, I'VE HAD IT WITH THIS STUPID LEAGUE

9) BECAUSE I'VE HAD TWO MOVIES MADE ABOUT ME, OFFICER, WHILE YOUR GRAND TOTAL IN THAT CATEGORY IS ZERO, SO I THINK I'LL BE PARKING MY JAG ON ANY LAWN I FEEL LIKE

10) I TOLD YOU ALREADY, IT'S THE LEFT REAR LEG AND IT REALLY, REALLY HURTS AND I DON'T KNOW WHY, AND IT SCARES ME

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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