Written by Jalapenoman
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Monday, 2 July 2007

In a standard church hymnal, there are a lot of songs. The titles of some lend themselves to humor. For example, tell a child vocally that there is one called "Gladly the Cross I'd Bear" (there is really a hymn by that title) and they will hear "Gladly, the Cross-Eyed Bear."

If the title of a hymn is "I Need The Every Hour," it may not only be about the need for Heavenly comfort. It could be a child singing about a favorite teddy bear, a chocoholic singing about their Hershey bar, or a baker working on their bread (kneading).

The titles listed below come from the standard hymnal for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (the Mormons). The organizations and groups listed are from the same church, but similar groups exist in each congregation, regardless of the religion.

Following are several Hymns, listed with the organization or class, in my church, that they would tend to represent. Obviously, some hymns can represent more than one group. Enjoy!

Master, The Tempest Is Raging
The nursery leader, coming to the Bishop for help

There is an Hour of Peace and Rest
The nursery leaders (when they get home)

Where Can I Turn for Peace?
The nursery leaders (again)

I Stand All Amazed
The Primary Leaders (seeing all of the children reverent and quiet)

The Morning Breaks
The early morning seminary students

All Creatures of Our God and King
What the Seminary Teacher has to look at about 6:00 a.m.

Now Let Us Rejoice
The early morning seminary students (about June First, when the program ends for summer.)

Awake and Arise
Parents of the early morning seminary students

Welcome, Welcome Sabbath Morning
The early morning seminary students (who get to sleep a few more hours)

We Ever Pray for Thee
Parents of the full time missionaries

Abide with Me!
The young women (to the young men about to serve as a missionary)

Glorious Things of Thee are Spoken
The mother of a missionary, speaking of his letters

In Remembrance of the Suffering
For the young woman (waiting for her missionary)

Know This, That Every Soul Is Free
The young woman, sending her missionary a "Dear John"

Joy to the World
The young woman awaiting her missionary on homecoming day.

Have I Done Any Good?
All youth leaders and advisors

Again We Meet Around the Board
The Relief Society Sisters (making crafts at homemaking meeting)

Sweet Is The Work
The Sisters (after eating the lesson in homemaking meeting)

I Stand All Amazed
All former primary, Sunday School, and youth leaders of a prospective missionary.

With Wondering Awe
(see above)

Silent Night
The Cultural Hall on Youth Activity Night (when the activity is somewhere else).

It Came Upon the Midnight Clear
The Missionary, on his call letter

Go, Ye Messengers of Glory
The Missionary's opinion of the mail man

Let Us All Press On
The missionary, doing laundry on P-day

The Time is Far Spent
The trunkie missionary

You Can Make the Pathway Bright
The building custodian (while changing light bulbs)

Let Us Oft Speak Kind Words
& Nay Speak No Ill
& Should You Feel Inclined to Censure

The Bishop, when calming fighting members (all three hymns)

The Time is Far Spent
The Bishop (to the long winded sacrament speaker)

Called to Serve
The Activities Committee (at ward dinners, ladle in hand)

We Are All Enlisted
The LDS servicemen

Carry On
The Pregnant Sisters

Rejoice! A Glorious Sound Is Heard
The Sunday School Teachers, after hearing the second bell

How Wondrous and Great
The new Quorum President's opinion (of himself)

The Iron Rod
What the Young Men & Young Women leaders wish they could use sometimes

The World Has Need of Willing Men
The Young Women who want dates for Saturday night

Be Still, My Soul
The Young Women, on seeing the new Missionary

School They Feelings
Young Women Leaders, to the young women looking at the new Missionary

What Glorious Scenes Mine Eyes Behold
The family history center leader, when someone actually walks in

Guide Me to Thee
The Young Single Adult's prayer

Lean on My Ample Arm
The Sweet Spirit Single Adult sister, to anybody!

Though Deepening Trials
Theme song of the Senior Single Adults and single parents

Does the Journey Seem Long?
The chaperones on a youth temple trip, when the temple is 400 miles away

Where can I Turn for Peace?
(see above)

God Speed the Right
The Bishop's car, rushing to 7-11 to get Sacrament bread (because the teacher's forgot)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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