It was a tragic day when Doris Jones, 78 found out she was going through menopause, ''Well it was a good few years ago now, viagra had just came on perscription and my Albert was having a few problems getting his old man up you see. So one night he came home with the viagra slapped my bottom and told me to get upstairs and get my blouse off.
"Oooooh so I did! I was lying there, completely naked waiting for my Albert and it hit me, I don't want sex, no urge at all.
"Albert soon reliased I was as dry as a bucket of sand and that was that, downstairs to coronation street and a cup of bovril.''
Many years past with Doris and Albert in there sexless marriage, Arthur could be heard morning, noon and night; tugging away in the bathroom bedroom, living room even the greenhouse.
It was only a few weeks ago that this masturbation marathon would end, ''It was like any normal day I was sat downstairs watching TV and Albert was in his greenhouse, probably checking on his grapes when Bruce Forsyth came on the TV "Nice to see you, to see you, nice!" he said. Ooooh I was wet through and through! And I can tell you now it had nothing to do with my weak bladder.
So I called my Albert in from the greenhouse and told him to get upstairs and get his viagra, he said he didn't need it, how he had an errection from being in the greenhouse I'll never know.
The rest is passionate history.
Doris Jones is living proof that even when you're just a few years shy of being ready for the grave yard there's still enough time to ride like she's in a rodeo.