A Paris Hilton "devotee", Kieth Richards, dressed as Johnny Depp, playing Captain Jack Sparrow is demanding the heiress' release from prison in the next three days, or else he will "raid, plunder and pillage the entire village of Lynwood."
Unfortunately he turned up in Lyn Wood's kitchen, whereas she shouted, "WHO.. the Hell are YOU?"
"I'm Captain Jack Sparrow," replied Richards, "and I've come to free the Paris Hilton!"
"No you ain't, yous that Johnny Depp fellow, yous are."
"A bucket of your best grog, mistress wench," swayed Kieth.
"I'll give you a bottle of Drain-O if you don't get out of here, goreon, get," said Lyn, pushing Richards outside with a mop. "Johnny Depp ain't got no arse for my liking."
Kieth, standing outside on a pot plant, bowed and said, "Alas, poor Paris, Hilton, I drank her well..... and fell in the bushes.