Written by Robin Barnard
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Tags: software

Thursday, 21 June 2007

image for New computer operating system finally given a name

It was announced today by the "insanely successful"(c) American based software company, Conngianulated Software(tm) or as it's more popularly known ConnSoft(tm) had finally decided on a name for it's next version of its "non monopolistic and open source" (tm) operating system

The announcement was made at a specially held event inside a massive auditorium, following a fanatic laser and sound show set to music played by the best rock and roll bands in the world by the legendary CEO / spokesperson Green Psalms who bounded on the stage with typical enthusiasm

"Hi everyone - thank you for coming along - we have something very special to share with you today and I am sure you will love it.

As you all know we have been planning our next operating system for nearly 5 years now - 5 long hard and sometimes cruel years

It could have been better - of that there's no doubt - we lost our way somewhat but we have finally got through the bad times and we can now see the future clearly and its a great future

Now we do have a name for our Operating System but before I tell you that let me tell you all the wonderful things it can do you will see why we have given it this name when i've finished - its worth the wait believe me

Now with this we started from ground zero to build you the best possible product we have had teams of tens of thousands of software engineers working away around the clock for years to make this product everything you could ever wish or hope for

Firstly this Operating system is stable - this means it don't go wrong - not once - not ever We personally guarantee you that you will never have any problem because of any bugs or glitches because there isn't any! We have had the most extensive beta testing in the world of this software and not one person had a single issue - not one - 100% stability is here

Next this operating system is secure- so secure that there is not the virus, spyware or hack that has been invented that can breach its defenses we purposefully employed anyone who has ever been or still is a hacker including secret government agencies both in this country and in foreign ones and challenged them to crack our system and with their help we also now guarantee 100% security and with immediately available updates we can counter against any new threat instantly This is a phenomenal promise but we can deliver it with pride and certainty

Now for some fun our system is the complete state of the art when it comes to fun it is able to play any format of media ever invented and thanks to forthcoming updates any media invented in the future and is able to support as many monitors as you like all to extremely high definition ratio its incredible to see and our system also supports all speaker systems both current and again forthcoming

You are able to play truly incredible games with HHHD (thats higher than higher than high definition) graphics and true 3-d holographic imagery supported and unbelievably fluid rendering and blazing fast games play

And of course our system is just at good at business as well with seamless integration into any existing network invented with no configuration required just plug it in and go and all our our world famous applications for business use built right in and ready to go at no extra charge

But that's not all - the final and most important thing to know is that this software will run on the computer you have today Thats right if you brought a computer in the last 5 years it will run like a charm so no costly upgrades are needed

I promised this would be special and i hope you can all see now why i am so excited by this - it's easily the best thing we have ever done

Our course this is just a taster of what we are aiming for as the software is not ready yet - but i think you will agree that this operating system is going to be the best ever

and it's name

is

SPECULATION(tm)

That's right ladies and gentlemen Speculation is the operation system for you wether you are work or at play

Speculation(tm) will be available soon -so watch this space and thank you all for coming"

Psalms left the stage to a standing ovation and was followed by another rock band session

Afterwards a spokesperson for Conngianulated Software(tm) refused to be drawn on price, computer specification, the final content of the software or a release date instead advising us to "wait and see"

In other news stock for Conngianulated Software rose 1000% in the wake of the announcement

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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