Written by SciTy
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Monday, 16 February 2004

"At least it was only a dollar!" older people can be heard saying, after seeing Academy Award Nominated films such as "Lost In Translation" in their local dollar theater.

"What was that trash even about?" is another common collective comment made by groups of elderly people who insist on spending their time going to movies they "heard were good" when they really know nothing about the movie they are going to.

"This one is doing well. The paper says it got 4 stars." a 67 year old anonymous woman commented in an interview conducted shortly before she viewed "Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King"

"I didn't understand it at all. It was all this fighting and nonsense. It was the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen." said the woman upon exiting the theater.

No one knows why these older folks, most of whom will either watch the first 15 minutes and then leave with angry comments or stay through the entire movie just to make a comment that is particularly nasty as they walk out of the theater.

"Who directed that pile of garbage? He shouldn't be allowed to make movies." said one woman, most likely named Edna.

Older people often assume that everyone responsible for anything is a male. They also assume that just because the paper gave it a few stars, it doesn't mean it is a movie that older people will like.

"They all needed haircuts!" one older woman stated, after also having seen The Return of the King. "It was atrocious. All that fighting and they were all so dirty!"

With comments like those, most people are left with questions like these:

Do the older people think that anything fanciful or imaginative is "the devil"?

Do older folks only enjoy movies starring Clint Eastwood or Meryl Streep?

Do older folks need to be restricted to a couple of safe genres and possibly even certain production companys that don't make risque films such as the aforementioned "Lost in Translation" and the upsettingly violent and bothersome "The Return of the King"?

More control over the movies elderly people are allowed to see will prevent groups of open minded and optimistic movie goers having foul run-ins with ill-tempered retired folks who feel they have been cheated and mislead by "that man who couldn't make a good movie if his life depended on it" who, is probably, Peter Jackson or possibly Tim Burton.

Disclaimer: Everything above was not meant to paint an inaccurate or hateful picture of older people. It was rather intended to call to attention the oft encountered closed mindedness of said older people when it comes to movie watching.

"Why couldn't that something the Ring have been about a nice couple who were trying to have a baby?" Edna continued to comment.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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