Written by Ed E. Druckman
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Tuesday, 12 June 2007

(Los Angeles--CA) Is it a step toward the new Brit? An attempt to steal the interrogation spotlight from Prisoner Paris? Or is Britney Spears just going behind the recording studio mixing board?

Whatever the reason, at a Beverly-Wilshire Hotel press conference this morning, a fully clothed in foundation garments Britney Spears said this about a recent George Bush commencement speech, "When I heard it, I just thought 'It's so wise! I have to imemorialize it for Preston and my other kid.'" 'The speech was given by the President at a little known Republican friendly university on Whidbey Island off the coast of Washington state, Screw U. Spears' production company put it to music and released it for free download on iTunes. The rest is history, but not without controversy because it's remarkably similar to the 1999 Baz Lurhmann single, Everyone's Free (To Wear Sunscreen).

The Bush administration was quick to deny any plagiarism. "The President lives by most of the 10 Commandments," said White House press secretary Tony Snow. "Does that mean he plagiarized them? We tend to look at this as an 'inspired by' situation."

The speech would have remained unnoticed had it not been for John C. Stevens, a graduating member of Screw-U's class of '07, who submitted it to adult portal Tommy's Bookmarks. When asked why he submitted it to a porn site, Stevens replied, "I'm a sexual compulsive. I'm working on the problem. But because of it, I really don't know of that many non-porn sites. And it didn't seem like a Sapphic Erotica item." A question at Spears' press conference of how Spears become aware of it since it was on an adult portal was met with "For the last time, I'm not a lesbian, okay!"

The end result? Since being posted on iTunes, Everyone Needs To Chew (When They Eat) has been downloaded 3,000,000 times. The figures for Tommy's Bookmarks have yet to be tallied.

Bush addressed the situation. "There are those of you who never thought I'd be President, and here I am. And I'm sure there are those of you who never thought I'd be a Pop Star, but all I can say to that is 'Party on!'"

And now Everyone's Free (To Wear Sunscreen).

FACTOID: President Bush is the only chief executive to have a pop hit while fighting a war on terror.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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