Written by Rumplestilskin
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Monday, 4 June 2007

image for Rev. Fullafit Speaks

In a bizarre speech delivered from a Manhattan street corner to passing strangers this week, the Rev. Cotton Fullafit said the following:

"A common myth these days is that people who have been possessed by demons oppose assisted exorcism. Some of the most outspoken support for assisted exorcism (AE) actually comes from people who have experienced the ravages of demonic possession firsthand. These people support the idea of imposing exorcisms on people who don't know that they want them. They hope that if they ever become possessed again, their friends and relatives will be able to call upon the services of an exorcist to free them, no matter how much the demons inside may cause them to object.

One such person, Mr. Thomas Dolomite, said it very well in an essay printed in this week's edition of The Inquisitional Times:

'The terror of what will happen if I ever become possessed again haunts me constantly. It is comforting to know that if the demons ever return and I am unable to express my need for exorcism, my relatives will be able to get me the help I need even if I say I don't want it. Those who oppose forced exorcisms don't seem to understand that even if they flee from the salvation of the exorcist and his rituals, they will not be able to escape rituals of some kind. Only instead of the exorcist's cleansing rituals, it will be the dark, twisted rituals of the demons paying homage to their satanic master.

Ultimately, only death awaits those who flee the exorcist's healing touch.' "

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

76 readers are online right now!

Go to top