Dear Betty Jo Sue Bob,
My grandson, Billy Roy Joe Bob, snuck into mah white lighnin' agin. I jest kain keep that grandson o mine away frum tha still. That granson uh mine makes me reel proud. He's in the Jr. Natsi Republican League down at the Fundamentalist Baptist Church. They're teachin' him how ta shoot them liberuls reel good! They's been usin pictures of Ron Paul as a targit, an he gits him right betwixt thuh eyes dern near every time! I'm reel proud uh that boy! He's mah wife's daughters boy, ya know. He's gonna grow up an' marry his cousin jes like ah did. He'll make a reel gud Natsi Republican.
Them Libocrats been callin' us Neocons. I ain't no Neo, whutever that means... I guess con is rite cuz I wuz cunvicted of chicken theivin' an' ballot stuffin', but that good ol' feller Nazi Republican Mexican judge Alberto Gonzalles fella dun let me off thuh hook since I wuz supportin' his party an' all. I guess all wetbacks ain't bad.
Billy Roy Joe Bob is helpin me with mah family bizness. I wuz usin my old still, but the Republicrats wuz so thrilled with mah corn squeezins, they bought me a new one dang near as tall as my barn!
Since I dun got thuh contract to make moonshine fer the RNC, I bought me this here yacht, but it don't fit too gud on thuh pond. Them Republican fellas what's in thuh Whithouse said it wuz too small fer them ta git on, so they gave me sum money an' I got this here big 'un what kin float in thuh ocean.
Them Republicrat fellas is reel nice. They bought me a sattelite dish fer mah outhouse and I got a motorhome sos I could campaign fer 'em. The shed in the back of the pickup even has it's own shower.
I wuz disabled when mah still blew up last time, and them Libocrats said I shud go on wellfare, but ah don't take no handouts. I told this here Republican fella when he wuz takin' a sip o mah moonshine, and them Republicrats got me a job werkin fer a billboard company, but I wuz skared uh hites, so they got me a job with the road department what pays $100,000.00 a year. They said no red blooded Republicrat shud make any less. Mah wife wuz so pleased, she went down and bought me a new corn cob pipe!
Well, ah better git back ta mah still. I got a hole butload o white litenin' ta git to the Nazi Republican campaign headquarters. The fellers at the RNC jes luv mah white lightnin! Don't ya'll fergit now. Don't make no mistake an' vote fer that Ron Paul feller. He's one o them Libocrats in wolfs clothing. Like mah granpappy used ta say, the only dead Libocrat is a dead Libocrat!