10. The Spoof doesn't want outside influence from advertisers.
9. The Spoof Administrators fear what these crazy writers would do with the money.
8. Why pay the writers when they'll do it for free?
7. The Spoof is against supporting drug and alcohol habits.
6. All of the writers have taken a vow of poverty.
5. The Spoof fears that money would corrupt its writers.
4. The Spoof thinks the writers need to lose weight.
3. The Spoof doesn't want to be named as an unlawful enemy combatant.
2. The Spoof Administrators fear that if the writers were paid what they are worth, the writers might strike.
1. The Spoof Administrators are greedy bastards who belong to The Corrupt Bastards Club.