Written by Philip J. Moss
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Tuesday, 18 April 2017

This is A.P. reporter Aziz Hernandez, speaking to you from on board the carrier USS Potemkin Village, somewhere off the Korean Peninsula, or maybe Australia. I have been embedded with the crew here for two months, and nobody on board seems to know where we are, or where we are going. We get a regular satellite news feed and I saw on Fox News that we were headed towards the Korean Penninsula, but when I asked Captain Ibin Gutshot about that, he insisted that his orders were to head for Melbourne. I repeated to him what Sean Spicer had said at a White House News briefing, that our carrier group was sent to deliver a stern warning to Kim Jong-un. "I don't know anything about that," he said. "I take my orders from the Pentagon, not from Mr. Spicer."

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This is A.P. reporter Tina Fontina, speaking to you from the Pentagon. Officials here were confused about the mission of the USS Potemkin Village, stating initially that there was no such vessel in the U.S. Navy. "If there is such a carrier, it must be classified," I was told. I asked whether that was the reason for the unusual name of the ship, and then had to explain that the phrase 'Potemkin Village' refers to a construction (literal or figurative) built solely to deceive others into thinking that a situation is better than it really is, based on the fake portable villages built to impress Empress Catherine II during her journey to Crimea in 1787. The answer I received was "No comment."

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This is A.P. reporter Gallup Nevergetover, speaking to you from the White House. Press Secretary Sean Spicer denies any knowledge of a a carrier named the USS Potemkin Village. "If there is such a ship, it is nowhere near the Korean Peninsula, or Australia," Mr. Spicer asserted. "If it is somewhere near those two places, it is the fault of the Pentagon. Go ask them."

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Aziz Hernandez here. I heard that, Gallup. What the fuck is going on there? I can state definitively that there is a US naval vessel, an aircraft carrier, named the Potemkin Village. A mother***ing huge carrier, with a crew of over 6000, and over 200 aircraft. Believe me, it's real. What has Sean Spicer been smoking? Does anyone there know what the fuck they are doing?

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This is Tina, Aziz. Are you sure that the carrier is real?

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This is Gallup, Aziz. Are you sure that the carrier is one of ours?

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Tina here. Maybe you're in some alternate reality, Aziz.

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FZZZZZTTTT*&%$SHSHSHSHHSHS

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Gallup, I think we've lost Aziz.

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Aziz who?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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