Written by ItsNotMyFault
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Friday, 4 May 2007

The transmission below was intercepted by the NSA shortly before the release of Ann Coulter's 2003 book, "Treason: Liberal Treachery from the Cold War to the War on Terrorism."

The intercept was obtained and published recently by the National Security Intercept Archive, pursuant to a FOIA request.


FOR YOUR EYES ONLY

TOP SECRET & ULTRA-CONFIDENTIAL

THIS MESSAGE HAS BEEN ENCRYPTED WITH PGP AND CANNOT BE READ BY ANYONE WITHOUT THE PRIVATE KEY CODE

THIS MESSAGE WILL SELF-DESTRUCT AND THE COMPUTER IT HAS BEEN RECEIVED ON WILL VAPORIZE AFTER YOU HAVE READ THIS MESSAGE

Comrades:

I have received our orders from HRC by the usual means last night.

She has issued the "Go" signal to proceed with Phase II of the Operation commenced 11/9/01 (Euro date convention) against her critics.

While she hopes to avoid some of the extreme collateral damage of Phase I, as we both know HRC would prefer to be sure we have a clean and certain take-out of AC, as we did with Mrs. Olson, and we all recognize that a certain number of bystanders must be eliminated in the process in order to give the operation the proper cover.

We hope this time to keep the numbers in the 3-digit range, as RMN and Mitchell were able to do with Dorothy Hunt in the "airplane crash," and avoid the excesses of two years ago.

Our failure analysis structural engineering consultants have assured me that this time they will not miscalculate the metallic heat-stress factors again, as they so unfortunately did with the Towers. (One little misplaced decimal can cause so much trouble!)

Please signal your operatives that the pellets are in the pre-assigned cargo bin at the port and that they should load the delivery devices and await the final televised go signal. Anchor Dan has agreed to tug at his left earlobe on the agreed date. A nose scratch means to wait for further orders.

The Bearded Ones will be the patsies for this Operation, as with the previous one. Our friends in Riyadh have assured us that they can manage the fallout, and that it will actually benefit them in their efforts to reign in the Prodigal Son, who is currently undercover in Brooklyn, driving a cab. They have further assured us that Sweet Crude prices will plummet. We have arranged the futures trades on the proper dates to assure unlimited future funding of our operations, with a generous bonus for all participants.

Remember: use the red Satphone on odd dates, and the blue one on even dates.

Yours,

The Servant

P.S.

Below is the latest publicity on AC's upcoming book. The Senator looks forward to a magnanimous public eulogy to the author on the date of the book's release in June.




Key to abbreviations & background:

  • AC - Anne Coulter
  • HRC - Hillary Rodham Clinton
  • RMN - Richard M. Nixon
  • Dorothy Hunt was the wife of Watergate convict E. Howard Hunt, (see http://spot.acorn.net/jfkplace/09/fp.back_issues/02nd_Issue/dhunt.html)
  • Mrs. Olson - Barbara Olson, wife of former Solicitor General Theodore Olson. [Mrs. Olson's 1999 book "Hell to Pay" portrayed Senator Clinton as something just shy of the female anti-Christ. Olson died less than two years later, on 9/11/01, on Flight 77, which crashed into the Pentagon. Coincidence? You decide...

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
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