Q. Whatever happened to hatpins and pocket pistols? In days past, pussy-pinchers could expect to be pinned to death or given a lethal dose of 'lead poisoning' for the act our President describes so cavalierly. How would we men feel about Nut Grabbing?
- Den from Colorado
A. Dear Den:
Personally, I am opposed to Nut-Grabbing (I believe that it is meant to be hyphenated).
Many studies have found that a high but unspecified percentage of males subjected to Nut-Grabbing suffer from PTSS (Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome), and also from the less well known OMGYBMB (Oh My God You Bruised My Balls) syndrome, and require years of follow up treatment with scented oils and gentle massage, none of which is covered by Obamacare.
However, I have it on good authority that the republican majority in the House of Representatives will soon introduce a bill to make coverage for such treatments mandatory under Medicare and all private insurance plans.
Unconfirmed reports suggest that Bill O'Reilly is being considered for a top post in the administration to oversee such coverage.
- Sloppy Sally