Written by mikewadestr
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Tags: Driving

Thursday, 2 March 2017

image for Don't worry About the House Just Keep on Driving I wonder if their home owners insurance covers this?

Back in my college days I was studying at the University of Arizona in Tucson, Arizona. The school had a good engineering college which suited me well, that is whenever I actually attended class. The University was, also, known to be a party school and attracted a lot of people from the northern and eastern states who came to the school to escape the harsh winters which had brought about a lot of attacks from various Yeti's.

I lived in the dorm and shared a room with a guy name Stuart who we all called Stu. Stu was a pretty reserved guy who was even keeled. Every now and then, which was actually more now than then, we would get a group of people from the dorm together and hit the bars for games of quarters. When you consider bars had nights of 20 cent drafts and quarter bottles of beer the game of quarters was very long-lived and left many of us in a very inebriated state. On most nights the winner's victory would be pyrrhic as he would have to stumble home drunk with the rest of us

We enjoyed indulging in sin and pestilence.

One weekend night, there was just the four of us, Stu, another dormy Dan, Stew's cousin Hendricks and myself. We decided to head out to the bars in two cars, Stew and I leading in Stew's pickup truck with Dan and Hendricks following in a Honda. We decided not to play quarters since there was only the four of us. It would be a night of light drinking and attempted dancing, which we labeled floundering, and then back home.

The evening started out just fine with all of us at a bar called Cowboys drinking our beverages and floundering with some of the women in the place. For some odd reason the women managed to keep a straight face all throughout our floundering not once breaking down into hysterical laughter. We tore the carpet off of a pool table and lost a cue ball when Dan hit one off the table and through the open front door and into the parking lot somewhere. At this point in time we felt it was best to leave before management discovered what we had done.

We hopped in our respective vehicles and headed down the road in the same order we had arrived. Little did we know we would soon be getting our comeuppance for what we had done to the pool table.

As we drove, Dan and Hendricks came up alongside Stu and I and started challenging us to a race which we quickly obliged. The speed limit on the road was only 40 miles per hour so we were happily hitting 55 going down the road. It wasn't until we passed a sign that had the number 30 on it and a couple of squiggly lines that Stu and I figured we might be in a little trouble. As we hit the first part of the curve the truck swung out into the left hand lane causing us to go right into head on traffic which was bearing down upon us.

"Stu, we're heading into head on traffic", I coughed out while laughing hysterically.

"I know", blurted back Stu who was, also, laughing.

"We're going to be dead alright".

It was at this point where Stu managed to get the car straightened out and back into the proper lane which was all well and good until we hit the second part of the curve. As we entered the curve the car started moving sideways and off of the road and into a field. The view was surreal as we watched small trees and bushes flying by us as well as animals who took the time to give us a wave. We must have slid about 50 yards until the truck did a 180 and smashed into a brick wall which enclosed the patio of a house. We hit the corner sideways causing the truck to bend into a V-shape.

The impact knocked the wind out of me and when I looked over at Stu he was knocked out. I fell out of my front door and before I knew it a whole crowd of people were around me asking if I was alright. When I finally got my breath back, I went back into the truck to see how Stu was and saw he was no longer in the truck. At this point Dan and Hendricks came up to me and asked where Stu was and I told them I had no idea.

We started looking around until we found Stu a few yards from the back of the truck. He looked fine just a bit stunned. The police where on the scene and wanted to know what happened. We told them and they were incredulous. We were lucky enough to be fairly sober so they didn't suspect alcohol played a part in it, just foolishness. The cops told us they were going to have the truck towed to a police lot where we could pick it up when we got a chance. They let us go without giving us a citation.

All four of us piled into Dan's car and headed back to the dorm. It was then we discovered Stu was suffering from a head concussion as he claimed he had no idea who I was. We went to the nearest hospital and checked in Stu.

After some time waiting in the reception area a doctor came out from the patient area and exasperatedly called out: "Is there anyone here who is with Stuart Cohen?"

We said we were. The doctor than asked what happened so we told him the whole story after which he led us back to the room where Stu was waiting.

Stu was dressed in a hospital gown and was glad to see us and the conversation went as follows:

"Dan! Hendricks! What are you doing here?" asked Stu.

"By the way who is this guy?" He continued pointing at me.

"Look at me", he said grabbing his hospital gown. "How did I end up here?"

"This is Mike your roommate", answered Dan. "You were in a car accident you lost control of your truck and hit a house and totaled your truck".

"No way".

"Yes way".

"Did they say anything about the drinking?" Inquired Stu

"No" we answered.

"That's cool! How long do I have to stay here?"

"Until the doctor says it's okay for you to leave"

Stu looked down at the ground and then back to us and exclaimed: "Dan! Hendricks! What are you doing here?"

"By the way who is this guy?" He continued pointing at me.

"Look at me", he said grabbing his hospital gown. "How'd I end up here?"

"This is Mike your roommate", answered Dan. "You were in a car accident you lost control of your truck and hit a house and totaled your truck".

"No way".

"Yes way".

"Did they say anything about the drinking?" Inquired Stu

"No" we answered.

"That's cool! How long do I have to stay here?"

"Until the doctor says it's okay for you to leave"

This series of questions and answers went on for at least 5 more rotations. Stu was no better than that annoying parrot you want to pull the feathers out of for repeating the only 5 lines he knows over and over. After about the 5th time Dan looked at me and exasperatedly said: "Mike, just hit him".

After about an hour the doctor came in and told us they were releasing Stu and that he had a head concussion and to keep an eye on him over night. If things got any worse we were to bring him back to the hospital.

At this point Stu started on another round of questions beginning with: "Who's this guy?"

To which we all answered: "Just shut up Stu"

As it turned out Stu's memory came back in full over the next couple of days but he lamented over the fact his truck was totaled. I told him we were lucky there was a wall in front of the patio because if there weren't we all would have ended up in the house's living room where people were watching TV, which would have been much worse for all of us, especially Stu.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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