Written by Danny Buckle
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Tuesday, 1 May 2007

There are a lot of people who go into the Dragons Den looking for investment in their businesses. Here's one you may have missed.

A TRAMP ENTERS THE DRAGONS DEN

TRAMP Hello my name isn't important and I'd like 70p for a cup of tea. Thank you!

THEO Is that it?

TRAMP Please?

THEO What will you do with this cup of tea?

TRAMP Drink it

THEO What? Aren't you going to try and reinvest it? You know, sell it on to another tramp for a profit or something?

TRAMP No, I just want a cup of tea.

THEO What equity steak are you proposing for this venture?

TRAMP What?

THEO What's my share going to be

TRAMP Errm, you can have a sip if you like

THEO A SIP?

TRAMP Ok two sips

PETER What's your projection for the future?

TRAMP Well tomorrow I'll be at Kings Cross station and I reckon I can get a latte and a sausage roll during the rush hour. There's a lot of competition but with my unique begging technique, I reckon I'll have a surplus of doughnuts by lunch time.

THEO Look err what ever your name is, I'm going to be honest with you. I like your style. Your direct - You know what you want and you know your numbers so for that I'm prepared to offer you half the investment for a 25% share in your venture.

TRAMP How about you Peter would you be prepared to match the Theo's offer
PETER No way, your technique is awful. You come in here without a shirt or tie, looking like a …. Well, like a tramp and expect me to take you seriously? You just can't be bothered can you?.

TRAMP Well I only want a cup of tea.

PETER Look you just haven't got a business here. I can't see the potential. Your not differentiating your self from all the other street bums. I'm out!

TRAMP Oh.

THEO Sorry if my fellow Dragon met me halfway I'd take a chance on this one but I'm not prepared to put up the full investment, it's too risky a strategy for me. I'm out too.

TRAMP Oh! Ok, thanks.

TRAMP SHUFFLES TOWARDS THE DOOR

TRAMP Can you spare any change?

PETER GET OUT!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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