Written by Dr Farquar
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Tags: life

Saturday, 7 January 2017

How can life begin at forty? Surely it begins when you are born doesn't it? (Contributed by Alex Petty)
Dr F. Life does not begin at forty. Ask John Lennon or Jill Dando.

Why do teenagers express their burning desires to be different by dressing exactly the same? (Contributed by Alex Petty)
Dr F. Discourage kids from spending your money on designer clothes and trainers. Have George Armani or Ralph Lauren design their school uniform.

Why are teenagers expected to be mature enough to make their own decisions about clothing dating etc, but their parents won't let them? (Contributed by ShadowStalker)
Dr F. Just because they are old enough to do these things, doesn't mean they are responsible enough to carry it through. Give them the keys to the car only when, first, you have taken out the rotary arm from the distributor.

During middle age does your get up and go actually get up and go? And if so where to? (Contributed by Alex Petty)
Dr F. It's a travesty. Just like when the 'Going Gets Tough, The Tough Get Going', and Billy Ocean hasn't been seen or heard of since.

If your teenager threatens to run away from home should you try to get it in writing? (Contributed by Jim Adams)
Dr F. No, but it would be polite to help them pack, buy a rail ticket, and part with some multi vitamins.

If all the teenagers who slept in class were laid end to end do you think they'd be a lot more comfortable? (Contributed by Jim Moore Jr.)
Dr F. Who can tell the difference?

A recent study said that people are enjoying middle age now. Does that mean that we can't look forward to a midlife crisis? (Contributed by The Vent on AccessAtlanta.com)
Dr F. This cruel episode in our lives is when good looking girls not only offer you a seat on the bus, but wipe your mouth as you start to dribble.

How come when you finally get time for a midlife crisis, you never have the energy for it? (Contributed by Mike Bellah)
Dr F. But at least you can put your socks on with a stick.

At what age do you go from being disrespectful to your elders, to being someone who thinks 'the young people today show no respect'? (Contributed by The Vent on AccessAtlanta.com)
Dr F. This 'window', can be vague, and usually occurs during a mugging.

Isn't middle-age when the broadness of your mind and the narrowness of your waist change places? (Contributed by Self-Worth.com)
Dr F. Very true. It is also marked with references of disgust from your children, when you are caught having sex with their Mother.

Why is it that when the kids are dating, they are never home, but as soon as they get married, you can't get rid of them? (Contributed by The Vent on AccessAtlanta.com)
Dr F. A supportive family network, means spending all weekend mending things, you have not broken, and paying for other peoples phonecalls.

How come the only time anyone ever wants to go out with you is when you're taken? (Contributed by Aaron Packnick)
Dr F. Do you mean being 'raptured', passing away, falling ill, getting raped, kidnapped, or abducted by aliens? Or, do you mean enslaved by marriage? Because, it's all the same to me.

If life truly begins at 40, then at the age of 46, are you not entitled to periodically act like a 6 year old? (Contributed by MykeMyk)
Dr F. Regression, is a natural route after forty. At forty six, though, as with a six year old, you realise only too late, when you accidentally, piss yourself.

Aren't grandchildren your reward for putting up with your own children when they were teenagers? (Contributed by The Vent on AccessAtlanta.com)
Dr F. Grand parents, were not only invented as slightly more brittle climbing frames for grand children, but to be used as lethal kissing machines, in order to get your kids to do as they are told.

How come it's only the mothers of teens who know why some animals eat their young? (Contributed by Charlie Giggle)
Dr F. Get social services involved and have a 'takeaway'.

How come teenage babysitters act like adults while the adults are out acting like teenagers? (Contributed by J.J.)
Dr F. The difference is that the babysitter is more likely to get sex than the adults.

Isn't an adolescent a person who acts like a baby when not treated like an adult? (Contributed by J.J.)
Dr F. No, that is called a husband.

If a young person is behaving in an immature way, is that person having a junior moment? (Contributed by KCJ)
Dr F. Kids are senile. They forget where they put everything. Forget to clean their bottoms properly, and think that they can get free money for doing nothing.

How come when you finally get your head together, your body starts to come apart? (Contributed by Ray)
Dr F. Of course. Our bodies, like our cars and planes, have 'crush zones' and are designed to disintegrate on impact. That's why middle aged people prefer a good hot meal, instead of sex.

Why are some people over fifty years old straight out of the middle ages? (Anon)
Dr F. Because they wear clothes that don't fit them, treat their wives like peasants, and start packing electric nose trimmers on Saga holidays.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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