Written by Brett Taylor
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Friday, 25 November 2016

image for Who's Unelectable Now? A Message from Bernie Sanders. Nice Job, Democratic Party

Hi, this is Bernie Sanders. I just wanted to remind you Democrats how you didn't want me for your nominee. Sure, I might have lost. But I might have lost with some dignity and brought some integrity back to the Democratic Party. I could have brought some white men back into the party, but you didn't want that. Oh no You said, We don't need any white men in our Party, we can win just fine without them. We've got the minority votes in the bag, that's all we need.

You didn't think I was "electable." Too much baggage. Too old, and I was a socialist. True, but I had two good things going for me. I wasn't a woman, and I wasn't Donald Trump.

So you got your pick. You stuck by your entrenched Democratic Party Establishment figure. Good for you. Now we're going to have a nation embarrassment in the White House, we're going to have unlimited pollution, we're going to have skinheads in the Cabinet, a Supreme Court full of reactionaries, we're going to have low wages and disastrous foreign policy. Nice work, Debbie Wasserman Schultz. Pat yourself on the back.

Oh, one more thing. Go fuck yourselves.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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