Written by Keith Shirey
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Monday, 5 September 2016

image for Congress Has Bill Written By Tobacco Industry THOSE WHO QUIT WERE HYSTERICAL SAYS REP.

Vaping is no safer than smoking scientists have warned after finding that e-cigarette vapor damages DNA in ways that could lead to cancer.

Researchers at the University of California created an extract from the 'smoke' of e-cigarettes and used it to treat human cells in a lab.

The exposed cells developed DNA damage and died far sooner than those left untreated. Nicotine free e-cigarettes caused 50 per cent more DNA strand breaks, while for those containing nicotine the damage rose three fold over eight weeks. Breaking DNA strands is associated with cancer.

There are dangerous chemicals in the products such formaldehyde, a known carcinogen. Another is diacetyl, a flavoring agent that has been linked to lung disease. Currently scientists believe that liquid nicotine juices in e-cigarettes might contain toxic chemicals like diethylene glycol, an ingredient also used in antifreeze; research is now underway to confirm these suspicions.

While studies are underway around the world, the U.S. Food And Drug Administration, as usual is slow to protect public health, will soon be conducting its own studies to determine whether e-cigarettes should be regulated and carry heal warnings as do tobacco products.

But not if the tobacco industry and its lobbyists and its friends in Congress want to stop the FDA's scientific research. The Altria Group, the nation's largest tobacco company, which has a growing e-cigarette unit, has led a lobbying effort.

Also joining the effort are R.J. Reynolds Tobacco Company, which has its own e-cigarette unit, as well as the National Tobacco Company, a major seller of loose tobacco, and trade associations representing convenience stores. 70 lawmakers in Congress have signed on as co-sponsors of legislation that lobbyists from Altria and other industry groups originally wrote.

The legislation is written word for word by the tobacco industry. Congressmen Cole and Bishop, who have led the charge for the industry's bill, have been recipiants of substantial tobacco industry campaign donations.

"The F.D.A. has blatantly ignored evidence that our products improve people's lives," said a spokesman for the leading e-company maker of liquid that goes into e-cigarettes. Also defending e-cigarettes was Peter J. Smirk , a representative of smaller manufactures of the product.

"The science against e-cigarettes isn't conclusive. But I'll tell you, I used to be a heavy smoker and e-cigarettes are probably a boon to my health. But, in all honesty I can tell you that there was never any real proof that nicotine cigarettes were addictive and threats to public health. All those millions of Americans who quit smoking was the result of collective hysteria," said Smirk.

After his statement to the press Mr. Smirk was rushed to the Das Homeland City Hospital in Washington where he was diagnosed with lung cancer.

A survey of the 70 congressmen who co-sponsor the bill to stop FDA research show that most of them are climate change deniers. Said Rep. Robert P. Meathead of Little Creek, TX, the science against both climate change and e-cigarettes isn't conclusive.

"I don't think much of science anyway. I heard that this study that opponents of the bill keep repeating I bet you was based on evolutionary biology, a class my daughter is taking at Harvard. She's very smart but has been corrupted by her liberal professors," stated Meathead.

" But, see, one of the major aspects of the theory of evolution is fossil evidence. But, as a man of faith, I know that those fossils were put in the earth by the devil to fool man. By the way I didn't like biology much in high school and neither did the physical education coach who was forced to teach it. I don't understand what my daughter sees it . She wasn't raised that way," said the congressman.

And Rep. John Cole of Broken Urinal, GA pointed out that the World Health Organization has issued a paper that is "suspect in nature." He read from the document which had information about the dangers of e-cigarettes. It stated, "The cells exposed to the e-cigarette vapour showed several forms of damage, including DNA strand breaks. The double helix that makes up DNA has two long strands of molecules that intertwine. When one or both of these strands break apart and the cellular repair process doesn't work right, it raises the risk of cancer."

Rep Cole said that scientists didn't really know what DNA is. "How can the World Health Organization" send out a report based on unknowns he asked." When a reporter inquired where he got his information about the science of DNA he replied that it was from a speaker at a Tea Party meeting in Broken Urinal. He also suggested that the World Health Organization had been taken over by Muslims. "The WHO now has a secret agenda. I expect Donald Trump to expose it soon," he said.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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