Written by Keith Shirey
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Friday, 19 August 2016

Donald J. Trump has selected unrestrained, ultra right wing firebrand Stephen K. Bannon to be his campaign manager. Bannon is the editor of Brietbart, an incendiary publication noted for race-baiting diatribes, conspiracy theories, irreverence, lack of respect of social norms and willingness to stop on other people.

Bannon joins Roger Ailes the head of Fox News, who was pushed out of his job due to numerous sexual harassment charges. Ailes has assumed the role of "dirty trickster" in the Trump campaign because of his achievements as campaign directors for GOP candidates who walk the dark side. He is associated with the infamous "Willie Horton Ad," and famously said, ""The only question is whether we depict Willie Horton with a knife in his hand or without it."

Many observers credit Ailes with shaping right-wing discourse in America due to the influence of Fox. Most definitely, he forever altered cable news.

As a background for this story, the reader will recall that One of the most memorable moments of Mitt Romney's 2012 presidential campaign was the video taken by a bartender from the private fundraiser in which he spoke about the "47 percent" of Americans."

A disgruntled campaign staffer, who requested anonymity, lest his entire political future be obliterated, approached this reporter and suggested he bring a compact camcorder to Trump private campaign meetings in order to discredit the campaign.

The result is this story. The videocam recorded the first staff meeting where Bannon and Ailes were present. There were a dozen or so Trump operatives at a gathering that lasted some seven hours. But nothing was achieved because the new bosses exhausted time mostly trying to one up one another about various conspiracy theories they believed and political intrigues they were involved with.

The meeting was held in Ailes new office in Trump tower whose windows were equipped with polycarbonate glass and reinforced steel. "I couldn't find bomb proof glass but they can the stop a .357 bullet," Ailes said. He explained to the assembled group that "homosexual activists are going to be down there on the street every day protesting if they find where we meet. And who knows what the hell they'd do."

A Trump aide concurred saying, "They'll do anything to impose their lifestyle on heterosexual America" Ailes responded, "Yeah, sometimes conspiracy plots are very real."

Not to be outdone, Bannon said, "People say I'm in the very fringes of conspiracy theories but hell many are true. Trump says that Obama is the founder of Isis and that's right."

" I've exposed this Muslim Clinton aide and former campaign chair Abedin. She's tied into the friggin Muslim World League, which funded the attack on 9/11/. That's a fact. How in hell did she get a security clearance?" Bannon asked.

An operative interjected, "As Trump says, 'Something's going on here there and everywhere.'" He went on to say that he has heard that "Abedin is a Saudi spy." Bannon then said, "I want to know why Obama wears a ring with an Arabic inscription?"

Soon, a waiter was bringing pizza and cocktails into the meeting room.

The camera rolled as Ailes repeatedly cursed at an aide because he couldn't find the tinfoil hats he wanted for the meeting. "Damn it, he said, those hats aren't foolproof but they do at least ward off some evil. Soon the meeting took a competitive turn when Ailes and Bannon started spitting at one another about who knew more about conspiracy, treachery, and intrigue.

Ailes said he feared Obama would Jail Him As A Political Prisoner. He claimed that his sources told him it almost happened. "I almost got a passport to Ireland," he said.

Ailes continued, "I know that fifteen people have been chopped up by those damn windmills in the pursuit of green energy. Bet you didn't know that Steven. It's part of a big cover-up. You don't seem to know, as I do that Green Energy is a plot to sap American strength."

"I know a lot of things Roger. Like Hillary's sick as Hell."

"That's not news, Trump has been hinting at that for days. Next you're going to tell me that you're going to reveal that Cruz's father conspired with Lee Harvey Oswald to murder President John F. Kennedy, but that's not new, Trump said so months ago."

As each man got left the room to go to the rest room, the other made malicious remarks disparaging the manhood of the other. Late in the evening the men glared at one another as they began sweating. The conspiracy theory one-upmanship hostilities turned to other topics.

"Trump has small hands but I don't," exclaimed Mannon. He continued, "You think you're such a bad ass, Ailes, but Fox News ain't nothing compared to Breitbart. I can race bait without using dog whistles like the Mattel dumb blond anchors over there at Faux Fox you hired to show off their legs. You better stiffen up your spine because when Trump retweats anti-Semitic memes he'll need your back!"

"Is your ass jealous of the amount of the stuff that just came out of your mouth?" Ailes shot back. I'm the most anti-semetic, foul mouthed, hateful, bigoted, racist, misogynist, extremist, radical right wing Republican political operative and (expletive deleted) media expert in the world. The sexual harassment allegations are true and I'm proud of it. You can't find your butt with your hands but I've grabbed more asses at Fox than Don Imas ever dreamed of touching."

"I turned Breitbart into "Trump Pravda," shouted Mannon. "Fox didn't even support him at first. You're a loser, Ailes. I'm going to run a scorched earth campaign like you've never seen.
"You think Trump is a big deal for attacking the disabled and Gold Star families, hell I'll attack disabled veterans who should have gotten out of the way of IUD's like McCain should have never captured, "retorted Ailes."

As the men staggered about the room, they invaded one another's space and had to be separated by aides.

Trump has now fired both campaign managers Corey Lewandowski and Paul Manafort and numerous other operatives. It now appears that he must choose between keeping Mannon or Ailes.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

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