Written by Will Offit
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Saturday, 28 May 2016

image for I write my own songs "Sometimes, the greatest accomplishments of the human race arrive in the simplest forms."

By Justin Bieber

You may be wondering: How can songs this well-crafted be written by a young man? Sadly, I cannot answer your question. I do not understand the inner mechanations of my mind. I do not know how my soul secretes its desires. Perhaps, a higher purpose seeded my brain with an ability to rationalize a higher concept of emotion, a greater pathos. But yes, I do write my own songs.

Sometimes, the words flow instantaneously. If you will, here is a line from one of my compositions, 'Sorry':

"Is it too late now to say sorry?
'Cause I'm missing more than just your body"

That line took only 5 seconds to conceive. Can you believe it? A line that sublime, that ethereal. 5 seconds. That's all. Sometimes, the greatest accomplishments of the human race arrive in the simplest forms.

I don't consider myself a braggart, but when your work transcends not only yourself, but the very species which bore your existence, sometimes it's worth giving yourself a little pat on the back.

Speaking of giving yourself a pat on the back, here is another line, this one from a more contemporary piece titled 'Love Yourself':

"'Cause if you like the way you look that much
Oh, baby, you should go and love yourself"

I will admit: This line took some work. It's conception was more of a Sistine Chapel type of endeavor. It may have left some scars and disfigurement, but ultimately, the world will be a better place for it.

So yes, I do write my own songs. When you read the words, 'By Justin Bieber', you can feel comfort in knowing that the work is legitimately mine. Just like this note.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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