Written by Auntie Matter
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Thursday, 19 May 2016

image for How do We Improve Our Prisons? Made for Water Slides.

"UK Prison Reform. A serious issue that needs to be taken seriously."

(BBC London. 19/05/2016)

Some suggestions.

1. Daily full body massages.

2. Freely available prostitutes.

3. Boxing stadiums.

4. Regular visiting entertainers like Rolf Harris or Boris Johnson.

5. Comprehensive menu prepared by Gordon Ramsay.

6. Wine, spirits and beer available with all meals.

7. Prescription drug store in all prisons.

8. Swimming pools and gyms.

9. TV, computer, jacuzzi and en suite in every cell.

10. Cells to be decorated to match prisoners' tastes.

11. Cinema theatres where meals can be served.

12. Bars with all night licenses.

13. Cabaret clubs specializing in strip tease.

14. 24/7 cell to kitchen phone service.

15. Water slides.

16. A cell phone to every prisoner.

17. Weekly lottery. If you win you get released... if you wish...or you can transfer your winning ticket to another prisoner... or a warder.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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