Written by Auntie Matter
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Thursday, 12 May 2016

image for New Board Game called "BANKER" Sweeping the World This Little Piggy Went to Market.

The object of the game is to fleece as many people as possible in the shortest possible time, build a dynasty and get to die in your bed before you are assassinated. Although you may be responsible for thousands if not millions of deaths you cannot personally kill anybody. If your dice throws run against you whereupon you must kill your adversary by your own hand you lose the game.

"Lifetime Points" are accrued en route by... (a) Forming playground alliances with school bullies. (b) Joining organizations such as Skull and Bones, Scientology, Mormons, Freemasons etc. (c) Losing your virginity to a prostitute before the age of seventeen. (d) Getting accepted by the best universities. (e) Adopting and adhering to a philosophy of world domination such as Marxism, Catholicism and even Islam. (f) Winning your way to a preparatory profession in accountancy, law, finance or business. (g) Marrying into a rich family and joining a prominent bank. (h) Swearing undying loyalty to the 'Higher Cause' of the New World Order and the eradication of all 'inferiors' so as to make way for the superior race governed by you and your ilk.

If you fail to reach the "Atheism Square" you lose the game.

Before reaching the goal called "God" the banker must have... (a) Successfully blackmailed prominent Congressmen and/or Senators. (b) Won a seat at a Bilderberg conference. (c) Had his face on the front of Time Magazine. (d) Been offered the presidency of the EEC. (e) Screwed the best looking screen actresses, models, singers, actresses, Miss Worlds and Miss Universes of his day. (f) Taken control of city councils, governments and the education, health, media and entertainment services thereof. And forced them to outsource to your corporate friends the functions and departments for which they had been set up in order to pay back your loans. (g) Started a major war anywhere in the world for whatever reason with a view to financing both sides of it and profiting from the outcome. (h) Taken ownership of the natural resources of as many countries as possible by forcing governments into a position where they must take out massive loans from your bank as a result of wars you have dragged them into. (h) Been elected to the board of Monsanto.

The game is reckoned to become even bigger than Monopoly.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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