Written by Aaron David
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Wednesday, 9 March 2016

The first branch of 'Cark It Right' will open the doors of its brand new, custom built suicide centre on St. Peter's Close on Monday. I spoke to the company M.D. Graham Reaper today.

"Hello Graham, exciting time for you?"

"Oh yes, we think it's a killer idea; people have been dying for an opportunity like this."

"Erm..."

"Sorry about the dark humour."

"Don't you mean Christmas cracker humour?"

"Whatever."

"So what services do you offer?"

"Well; for £100 you can just have a quick injection, like having your dog put down. For £200 you can have an exotic poison, including the one that kills you with a raging stiffy. Our extreme death range starts at £1000."

"Extreme?"

"Parachute jumping without a parachute, bungee jumping without a bungee, deep sea diving carrying a washing machine, being hurled off a cliff by an angry mob, that kind of thing."

"You must be very pleased with the change in the law."

"It's to die for."

"Thank you."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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