Written by Auntie Matter
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Monday, 1 February 2016

image for Ole Blue Eyes is Back. Sinatra Seen in Las Vegas. Frank in Better Days

A janitor at the famous Caesar's Palace Las Vegas claimed he not only saw Frank Sinatra the famous singer in a dressing room he was cleaning but had a long conversation with his ghost.

A reporter from Follywood Fortnightly, LA's most prestigious variety magazine was invited to meet with the janitor. The janitor took the reporter to Frank's old dressing room and shouted;

"Frank!"

Out of an olive green mist stepped Sinatra in a tux. He did not look happy, his eyes dark and hollow, face sunken. He struggled manfully to be his old self but he was finding it difficult to smile.

The resulting interview, published here in Britain for the first time, has caused a tidal wave of panic and fear among the city's showbiz celebrities in Las Vegas and Hollywood. Few of them dare to believe it but those who do like Tony Bennett, Angie Dickinson and Shirley MacLaine are all receiving psychiatric counselling.

R: So, if this is not a hoax...

S: This is not a hoax. I know what a hoax is. This is the real deal, buddy. What you see is what you get.

R: So, what's it like down there? I mean... on the other side?

S: Satan chains me to a mike Saturday nights at the Hellfire Casino and makes me sing to him and his pals. It's my worst time because he makes me miss the high notes so they can all laugh. Mickey Rooney laughs loudest... just to please him. Grovelling little punk! Yea, great sense of humour has Old Nick. He'll get his. I'm bettin' on it. He has his favourites too that I have to sing over and over.

R: What favourites?

S: "I've Got You Under My Skin". "Come Fly with Me". "Forget Domani". "Hgh Hopes". "Me and My Shadow". "All of Me". His all time favourite is "Call me Irresponsible". He thinks it's a howl. He looks all the world like Sam.

R: Sammy Davis?

S: Nah...my old buddy... Sam Giancano. Dunno what cave he is in. Nobody has seen him around but we know he's here.

R: Might be the same....never mind. You meet anybody else down there?

S: Sure. Peter Lawford. The bum follows me around like a dog, demanding an apology. Sammy Davis is secretary to the Boss. Dean Martin washes the dishes at the Casino. He thinks if he washes enough dishes the Boss will give him a bottle of Jack and send him back to earth to cut another record. Marilyn is doing what she always did ... but has no idea where she is. But, then she never did.

R: Miss anything on earth, Frank?

S: Nah... apart from the power, fame, wealth, the wild nights gambling hanging out with the Rat Pack, the adoration of countless women and generally being where all the action is. You kinda get attached to those things....

R: So, when you're not singing what do you do?

S: Suffer mostly. I get to run the Hellfire Hotel. I'm the manager. At the moment we are getting the rooms ready for some visitors we are expecting. Bill and Hillary Clinton, Kissinger, Tony Blair... a good friend of mine... we played golf once. Pope Francis is due shortly and a whole bunch of British lords and peers who are bustin' a gut to get outta the fryin' pan before the Jimmy Savile Inquiry gets around to'em. Boy have I got news for them! I got a few friends too from Capitol Hill. And Hollywood of course. Can't wait to see them. Well, I'm being paged. I gotta go. Was nice talkin' to ya. Give my regards to the Federal Reserve.

R: Thanks Frank. We still buy your records.. and nobody has spilled the beans yet... on what you got up to on earth.

S: Sure, let's keep it that way. Say hello to your queen for me. Tell her I have prepared the best suite in the joint especially for her and Philip.

R: Sure Frank. Be seeing ya!. I mean... hang in there.

S: (sings): "Strangers in the night exchanging glances etc, etc" as he disappears into the fog. Mickey Rooney can be heard laughing as he hits a wrong note.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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