Written by Trinculoman
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Tuesday, 24 November 2015

image for Core Characteristics of Millennials -- Updated

As a public service, the Alliance for Millennial Entitlement and Legitimacy has recently issued a definitive list of those core characteristics which describe this confident, great generation. The official list of Millennial Core Characteristics follows:

Their multi-tasking prowess is asserted by tokeing joints while texting and fiddling with piercings when on the freeway at speed.

Video gaming is their sacramental rite of mystical insight and enlightenment.

Dedicated to working in a group to change a light bulb, even though success is dubious due to no one being in charge.

Learned in high school history that Bubba Clinton ended the Cold War by consorting with hottie Russian interns in the White House.

Bert and Ernie of Sesame Street is their "role-model couple."

Favorite structured daily activity is bragging on Millennial Power in group-shared calls from sheltered childhood beds in their parents' homes.

Committed to lobbying the Pope to acclaim Jon Stewart the patron saint of contemporary insight and news analysis.

Dedicated to hours spent on Facebook trading "likes" on the comparative freshness and savory flavor of salmonella in Chipotle food.

Sharing pics of personal tattoos with peers is their legitimizing mode of group self-affirmation.

Quentin Tarantino is their iconographic surfbort.

Key extracurricular pastime is nightly trolling of unsuspecting Boomers and Gen-Xers on the Net as disfavored, excluded, and moribund generations.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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