Written by Philip J. Moss
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Thursday, 1 October 2015

[The New York Times, Sept. 23, 2015] WASHINGTON - Welcomed with a fanfare of trumpets and a chorus of amens, Pope Francis introduced himself to the United States on Wednesday with a bracing message on climate change, immigration and poverty that ranged from the pastoral to the political.

"I and my family are practicing Catholics, and I have the greatest respect for Francis, but the Pope isn't a politician, and so I don't think that he should be meddling in our politics." - Jeb Bush

"Of course I have the greatest respect for the Pope, but after all, he is not a scientist, and therefore I don't think he's qualified to tell us what to do on the subject of climate change." - Mitch McConnell

"All of us in Congress have the greatest respect for the Pope, but he is not charged with protecting our borders, and we are, so I don't think we should listen to him on the subject of immigration." - Ted Cruz.

"With all due respect to Francis - and I speak as a practicing Catholic - he is not an economist, and so he shouldn't be talking to us about income inequality." - John Boehner.

"Hey, I don't know the man personally, but I hear he's a great guy, and I have only admiration for him. I mean, where else can a guy like him, from a third world country, who can't even speak English, grow up to become the Pope! It's like my own story, only not so great. Now, I'm not a pope, hell, I'm not even a Catholic, but if I were in his shoes - and I mean the red ones, the Guccis - I'd be a terrific pope. Why, if I were pope I'd show the entire world how to fix things like immigration, climate change, and poverty. It'd be HUUUUGE!" - (guess who).

[Copyright 2015 - Philip J. Moss - all rights reserved.]

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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