Written by Dick Sheerer
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Tags: Media

Wednesday, 22 July 2015

PRINT

For centuries print media was the dominant form of mass communication in the world with a plethora of publication genres that continue to spread the written word, including disinformation, bald-faced lies, rumors, and innuendo. Civilization is replete with libraries of lies that house history's documents of deception and digests of deceit. It chronicles a culture of catastrophic calamity.

After written and hand-crafted modes of communication were disbanded, printing became the first form of mass media that enabled wide-spread distribution of published works. It was also the first industry to contribute to deforestation on a massive scale, while polluting the environment with toxic solvents from the production process. The advent of the printing press was hailed as a major advancement for society because it greatly expanded the impact of the written word by spreading lies farther and faster than ever before. Politicians and advertisers exploited the potential to the maximum while the illiterate masses were disenfranchised by the literate elite.

The technological advancement that made the printing industry what it is today is the same technology that is making earth the dead planet it will be tomorrow.

Newspapers- Newspapers are the perfect metaphor of modern society. On a daily basis an enormous army of workers toil round the clock mass-producing billions of newspapers - most of which will be in the trashcan the following day. Newspapers are usually daily gazettes or scandal sheets with some news, editorials, sports, and comics pages-but mostly they just feature display ads that the paper needs to sell in order to pay for the costs of printing and payroll.

The public depends on newspapers to keep them informed about important issues like their daily horoscope. Investigative reporters sniff around town like hound dogs tracking down leads looking for that big scoop, yet they always fail to report the mass amounts of dog poop on the pavement right under their noses.

Magazines-
These products were aptly named after the part of a firearm that holds the ammunition, because the same hazards are presented by the content of the print magazine. Reading it can be equivalent to shooting oneself in the head. Magazines cover a wide range of subjects themes, none of which matter much to the average person because the topic of each magazine is limited to a niche market.

Nuclear News- If the pen is mightier than the sword then the word processor is mightier than the bazooka. If an editor and staff of writers are mightier than a fleet of warplanes, then a news magazine is mightier than a nuclear arsenal. If the press is the fourth branch of government then it needs its own security force to protect the freedom of speech, shining the spotlight of truth like a laser beam looking for the smoking gun. Enemies of the free press tear up the paper pages because they are terrorists. Magazines are loaded with ammunition used in hit pieces for character assassination.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

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