Written by Martin Jaeger
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Sunday, 24 May 2015

Year: 2 Billion A.D.

Famed Paleo-Anthro-Ist, Dr. Luke Doctor, has discovered, what he believes is the link between humans and rocks.

Dr. Doctor has long believed that rocks, mountains and the like, are alive, just as humans. Of course living for rocks is different than living for humans.

"So," Dr. Doctor says, "is living for plants different from rocks and humans. Plants turn toward the sun, as an example. This is conscious movements."

Dr. Doctor took a gulp of tepid water from an old pitcher, as he addressed a gathering of rocks, plants, and humans.

"So," Dr. Doctor said, "rocks and mountains and earth move and react. You have the interior of the Earth, all hot and bothered, making magnetism, that moves and attracts, like two human lovers. You have the Earth's mantle, breaking up and as tectonic plates. There are black holes that eat stars for breakfast, lunch, and dinner."

A light smattering of applause allowed the eminent speaker to pause to sip some guava juice.

"Now, I have found the bridge--the link."

The doctor paused and told this story.

"I was in So. Dakota--or was it No. Dakota--and a found this big rock. No, it was a mountain. There were human faces carved in it. The place had an inscription: Mt. Rushmore. There was the mountain. There were the faces of humans. And this is where it began. The evolution of the human from the mountain."

Then he paused.

"Or was it the evolution of the mountain from the humans?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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