Written by Martin Jaeger
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Tags: Jewish, Pope

Wednesday, 20 May 2015

Dear Monsignori Vincenso,

Thank you for your favorable response on the phone stating that a Jewish person can run for the Papacy.

Naturally, I wish the Pope the greatest health, but the inevitable is inevitable, as it is said. (Leviticus 12.2)

So, it is not to early to get my name before the public so I may get, as we say here, a ground swell.

We discussed the economics and promotional effect that can be accomplished by placing my name prominently on certain facilities. With that in mind, I would like you to put me in touch with a person who is in advertising. Like our Mad Man.

I'm not interested in displaying my name in typical places, like above the license plate of a General Motors car, of on the bun of a Burger King hamburger, or the top of the box a Piece of Pizza comes in.

I'm thinking twinkling lights on the Sistine Chapel ceiling, flashing "Vote Howard Cohen for Popa." Maybe, as you suggested, a banner draped on the top floor of the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

Also your idea about a sticker on the Pope's official car is great and I'm ready to go for it.

That's not to say I didn't like your idea about cornering the concession for the church's Mitres and Vestments.

Would you consider it a good idea to hand out the New Testament in Hebrew?

I'm considering sponsoring a TV program called, "Saint For the Day." I'd like to rent out the Coliseum and sponsor a good old fashion gladiatorial contest. It's an iconic place that attracts tourists and the public.

Keep in touch.

Howard Cohen,
For Popa

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